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Music's Effects

Music's Effects MMwwa
it is a fact that music is one of the best ways to connect people together in different customs and age groups. there are special types of music which have not been composed for a specified area or nation. These kinds of music have been made and performed so that the majority enjoy watching it or listening. For example, Yanni artworks are fully brilliant in this regard. His performance and type of music have been chosen in a glamorous aspect, and most of the audiences with different languages and ages enjoy it. On the other hand, music as a significant part of human's art plays an important role in expressing ideas as well as emotions. By this way, music can replace violence between people with friendly relationships. it can act as a bridge to connect discrepant nations of different tastes, peacefully. We could see this phenomenon during the past years when the western and eastern Germany joined together via destroying the constructed walls. Afterwards, they sang songs together while were enjoying common music which made pleasurable sense between them. However, there are some drawbacks about spreading the music of a nation between the other countries which I do not agree with. The point is that, if a country accepts and spreads the music of other countries limitless and with no consideration, it may lose its traditional music and culture. Meanwhile, they might forget their music and consequently relevant history that would be desirable to transfer to the next generations. As an instance, Jazz and Rock music which are more prevalent among western countries, should not completely be superseded with eastern old music. In my honest opinion, it is better that people preserve their music fundamentals and historical cultures while adopting the other constructive types of music from the other nations. By this method, music can certainly bring people throughout the world to eradicate violence and bring peace and happiness.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is a fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is one of the best ways to connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
customs and age groups.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
there
are special types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which have not
been composed
for a specified area or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. These kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
have
been made
and performed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the majority enjoy watching it or listening.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Yanni
artworks are
fully
brilliant in this regard. His performance and type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
have
been chosen
in a glamorous aspect, and most of the audiences with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
languages and ages enjoy it.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as a significant part of human's art plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in expressing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
as well
as emotions. By this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can replace violence between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with friendly relationships.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
can act as a bridge to connect discrepant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tastes,
peacefully
. We could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
this phenomenon during the past years when the western and
Capitalize specific, well-defined geographical regions: "Eastern Germany"
eastern Germany
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
together via destroying the constructed walls. Afterwards, they sang songs together while were enjoying common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which made pleasurable sense between them.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks about spreading the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with. The point is that, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
accepts and spreads the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
limitless and with no consideration, it may lose its traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and culture. Meanwhile, they might forget their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
consequently
relevant history that would be desirable to transfer to the
next
generations. As an instance, Jazz and Rock
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
which are more prevalent among western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, should not completely
be superseded
with eastern
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
music.

In my honest opinion, it is better that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
preserve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
fundamentals and historical cultures while adopting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
constructive types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. By this method,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
certainly
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
throughout the world to eradicate violence and bring peace and happiness.
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IELTS essay Music's Effects

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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