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Poor nutrition and obesity is a problem in many developed countries and some people believe that a tax on fast food would reduce the problem. Do you agree?

Poor nutrition and obesity is a problem in many developed countries and some people believe that a tax on fast food would reduce the problem. Do you agree? wWbN
Obviously, with the dramatic developments of every aspect of the world which make our life become more convenient, humans also demand all the products they use on a daily basis to be diversified. Undoubtedly, food is an indispensable source of energy. But these days, the popularity of fast food has become a controversial discussion whether fast food is the main cause of the lack of nutrition and being overweight. To my personal perspective, the overuse of fast food will lead to many health problems. Firstly, I am sure that almost everyone has once tried fast food owing to many reasons. As an example, in Viet Nam, the young use fast food regularly as a habit because of its convenience and cheapness. Secondly, almost everyone is addicted to fast food as there are millions types of food with different delicious tastes. In addition, all fast foods are potential factors that lead to a lot of health problems if it is used frequently due to the process of cooking. Making fast food needs very much oil that is not good for the heart. Moreover, fast foods are often made unhygienically. As a result, people are easier to be obese and not provided enough nutrition as needed. Consequently, many people claim that the government should impose taxes on fast food in order to ensure a healthy condition especially for the young generation. If people are required to pay fees for selling fast food, there will be less people using this because of higher expenses. Furthermore, I think the government should also carry out more examinations on the process of making fast food to strictly control the quality of each step. To sum up, i totally agree that if there is a tax on fast food, the problem of obesity and the shortage of nutritive substances will no longer be a concern
Obviously
, with the dramatic developments of every aspect of the world which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our life become more convenient, humans
also
demand all the products they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
on a daily basis to
be diversified
.
Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is an indispensable source of energy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
these days, the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has become a controversial discussion whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the main cause of the lack of nutrition and being overweight. To my personal perspective, the overuse of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
will lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health problems.

Firstly
, I am sure that almost everyone has once tried
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
owing to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons. As an example, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam, the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
regularly
as a habit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its convenience and cheapness.
Secondly
, almost everyone
is addicted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as there are millions types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
delicious tastes.

In addition
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are potential factors that lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
health problems if it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
frequently
due to the process of cooking. Making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much oil
that is
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the heart.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
made
Possible spelling mistake found.
unhygienically
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are easier to be obese and not provided
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
nutrition as needed.

Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose taxes on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in order to ensure a healthy condition
especially
for the young generation. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are required
to pay fees for selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, there will be
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of higher expenses.
Furthermore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
also
carry out more examinations on the process of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to
strictly
control the quality of each step.

To sum up,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that if there is a tax on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, the problem of obesity and the shortage of nutritive substances will no longer be a concern
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IELTS essay Poor nutrition and obesity is a problem in many developed countries and some people believe that a tax on fast food would reduce the problem. Do you agree?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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