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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement Playing games together is a good way to build closer relationships Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer Be sure to use your own words Do not use memorized examples

Playing games together is a good way to build closer relationships Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer Be sure to use your own words Do not use memorized examples WyDlN
As technology advanced, many children these days spend most of their time playing games with their friends. While some might say that this helps children to make new friends easily, it can lead to unexpected outcomes in some cases. The possible negative outcomes will be elaborated in more detail below. First of all, while playing games could be a great ice breaker when making a new friend, it does not help in building a close relationship. In order for two individuals to become well-acknowledged with each other, heart-to-heart conversation and constant events of building each other's trust is needed. However, spending most of the time playing games would prevent such factors from happening. Because conversing with one another requires multiple abilities such as social and empathy skills, it could be perceived as a much harder process than simply playing gamees. This leads children to choosing playing games rather than getting to know their friends, ending up becoming simple game partners instead of a close friend. Second, multiple studies have proven that games have several negative effects on children's social skills, inhibiting them from honing social abilities and leading to lack of confidence in making friends. For example, children who play violent games tend to be more aggressive to other individuals, hurting other classmates when they feel like they are being pressured to act in ways they do not wish to. This may cause other children to slowly avoid the aggressive child, leading him/her in lack of opportunities to improve social skills. As they grow, they would become less and less confident in making friends, making it harder for them to build a close relationship with other individuals. Last but not least, children are unable to put a line between reality and fantasy because they are not fully developed in distinguishing rights and wrongs. For example, there was one happening in South Korea where a teenager killed one of his friends after playing a video game for half a day. After long hours of playing an RPG game where they constantly killed each other to expand their territories, they had gotten into a fight. After several quarrels, one teenager brought a knife from the kitchen and killed his friend due to uncontrollable aggressiveness and believing that his friend would resurrect after death because players in games usually do so. The murder had happened because he still thought that he was the fantasy world instead of reality. Eventually the teenager was arrested for murder, but he still thinks to this day that his friend would resurrect one day, not knowing that this happens only in the fantasy world. To sum up, playing games could be a great way to break the ice between two individuals. However, because it has negative consequences, this should not be used to make close friends.
As technology advanced,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
these days spend most of their time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might say that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
easily
, it can lead to unexpected outcomes in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases. The possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes will
be elaborated
in more detail below.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
could be a great ice breaker when making a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
, it does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in building a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
close
relationship. In order for two individuals to become well-acknowledged with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, heart-to-heart conversation and constant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
of building each other's trust
is needed
.
However
, spending most of the time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
such factors from happening.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
conversing with one another requires multiple abilities such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and empathy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, it could
be perceived
as a much harder process than
simply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "games", the plural form of the noun 'game'?
gamees
. This leads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
rather
than getting to know their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, ending up becoming simple game partners
instead
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
close
friend.

Second, multiple studies have proven that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, inhibiting them from honing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
abilities and leading to lack of confidence in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who play violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
tend to be more aggressive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
individuals, hurting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
classmates when they feel like they are
being pressured
to act in ways they do not wish to. This may cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
slowly
avoid the aggressive child, leading him/her in lack of opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. As they grow, they would become less and less confident in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, making it harder for them to build a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
close
relationship with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
individuals.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are unable to put a line between reality and fantasy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not
fully
developed in distinguishing rights and wrongs.
For example
, there was one happening in South Korea where a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
killed one of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
a video game for half a day. After long hours of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
an RPG game where they
constantly
killed each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
to expand their territories, they had gotten into a fight. After several quarrels, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
brought a knife from the kitchen and killed his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
due to uncontrollable aggressiveness and believing that his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
would resurrect after death
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
players in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
usually
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. The murder had happened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that he was the fantasy world
instead
of reality.
Eventually
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
was arrested
for murder,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
to this day that his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
would resurrect one day, not knowing that this happens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the fantasy world.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
could be a great way to break the ice between two individuals.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences, this should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
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IELTS essay Playing games together is a good way to build closer relationships Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer Be sure to use your own words Do not use memorized examples

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
468 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Do you agree or disagree with the following statement Playing games together is a good way to build closer relationships Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer Be sure to use your own words Do not use memorized examples