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People’s shopping habits depend more on the age group they belong to than any other factor. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, more and more people enjoy shopping. From young kids in kindergarten to the elderly who are already retired, different people have different shopping habits. Some people think that there are multiple factors which lead to uniqueness in shopping styles, while I personally agree with the point that the distinction of age would be the main reason to this phenomenon. Human beings have certain characteristics and preferences in the certain period of life. Young kids tend to love toys and cartoon characters, but after they grow up, these interests would gradually disappear as they become mature. For example, a mom and her little daughter go shopping together. Usually the mom would be more interested in a classic diamond dress while the young girl would possibly be attracted by a dress with the icon of Princess Elsa on it. Besides, the age group a person belongs to also determines the person's wealth and the ability to purchase goods. In the age range of 18-25, these young adults just start to have their full time job. Compared with their parents who are already in the middle age with years of salaries saved in the bank, these youngsters are not competitive in shopping. They might look at daily necessaries, like food, clothes or the new published game on Steam, but are not ready to buy their own house or a brand new car. In conclusion, the age difference has mainly influenced and even decided people's shopping habits and abilities. Not only has age preferences come into play, but money also determined whether a good is affordable for a certain age group of people.
Nowadays, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. From
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
kids in kindergarten to the elderly who are already retired,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
habits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are multiple factors which lead to uniqueness in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
styles, while I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the point that the distinction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
would be the main reason to this phenomenon.

Human beings have certain characteristics and preferences in the certain period of life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
kids tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
toys and cartoon characters,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after they grow up, these interests would
gradually
disappear as they become mature.
For example
, a mom and her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
daughter go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
together.
Usually
the mom would be more interested in a classic diamond dress while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
girl would
possibly
be attracted
by a dress with the icon of Princess Elsa on it.

Besides
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group a person belongs to
also
determines the person's wealth and the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
range of 18-25, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to have their full time job. Compared with their parents who are already in the middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
with years of salaries saved in the bank, these youngsters are not competitive in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. They might look at daily necessaries, like food, clothes or the new published game on Steam,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are not ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or a
‘brand new’ seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: “brand-new”.
brand new
car.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
difference has
mainly
influenced and even decided
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
habits and abilities. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
preferences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
into play,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
money
also
determined whether a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
is affordable for a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay People’s shopping habits depend more on the age group they belong to than any other factor.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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