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People used to live in the same city throughout their lives, but now they change where they live several times. What is the cause? Do you think it is a positive or negative trend?

People used to live in the same city throughout their lives, but now they change where they live several times. What is the cause? Do you think it is a positive or negative trend? j0Ap
Before the advent of industrialization, people used to spend their entire lives in one place. In fact, there was hardly any reason to move about. Agriculture was the backbone of the economy and farmers cultivated the land close to the place where they lived. Most of them also reared livestock. Because of these reasons they had to stay in the same place throughout the year. The situation is quite different now. Plenty of jobs are available in the cities and this has encouraged rural people to leave their homes and migrate to urban areas. While agriculture still sustains many economies, more jobs are available in other sectors. Fewer means of transportation existed one or two centuries ago. This also limited people’s ability to move about. But now we can travel by land, air and water. Trains and aeroplanes have made long distance travel quite easy and affordable. The ease of traveling also encourages people to move to different places. Villagers migrate to cities in search of jobs and a better standard of living. People also travel for pleasure. This is definitely a positive trend because it makes our lives more interesting. When we live in different places we get to interact with people of different cultures. We get to learn from them. This will broaden the horizons of our thinking and also make us more tolerant. People who live in the same place tend to have a limited understanding of the world around them. On the other hand, those who have lived in different places are more knowledgeable. To conclude, industrialization and improved means of transportation are the factors that encourage people to move about. This is definitely a positive trend because it fosters cultural mingling. It is also good for the economy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
the advent of industrialization,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spend their entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
. In fact, there was hardly any reason to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
about. Agriculture was the backbone of the economy and farmers cultivated the land close to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
. Most of them
also
reared livestock.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of these reasons they had to stay in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
throughout the year.

The situation is quite
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different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Plenty
of jobs are available in the cities and this has encouraged rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their homes and migrate to urban areas. While agriculture
still
sustains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
economies, more jobs are available in other sectors.

Fewer means of transportation existed one or two centuries ago. This
also
limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
about.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we can travel by land, air and water. Trains and
Possible spelling mistake. 'aeroplanes' is British English.
aeroplanes
have made long distance travel quite easy and affordable. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of traveling
also
encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. Villagers migrate to cities in search of jobs and a better standard of living.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
also
travel for pleasure.

This is definitely a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
more interesting.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
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places
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to interact with
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people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to learn from them. This will broaden the horizons of our thinking and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us more tolerant.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
tend to have a limited understanding of the world around them.
On the other hand
, those who have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are more knowledgeable.

To conclude
, industrialization and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
means of transportation are the factors that encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
move
about. This is definitely a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it fosters cultural mingling. It is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the economy.
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IELTS essay People used to live in the same city throughout their lives, but now they change where they live several times. What is the cause? Do you think it is a positive or negative trend?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
293 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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