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People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

By virtue of revolutionary amelioration of transportation and technology people have access to work and live any part of the world. In my opinion, the potential advantages of this statement preponderate over the potential drawbacks. To commence with, in recent years the availability to internet almost everywhere pavs the way for job seekers. To explain, if a person who seeking for a job is offered an opportunity whose building is located oversea or far from his/her hometown. Candidate can concamplacely accept this offer and telecommute without leaving hometown as a consequence of definite enhacement of technology. For exanple, Notwithstanding the fact that the head office of Facebook company is located in California, this corporation has a large number of employeers who work from different part of world. Secondly, another striking point is that the cutting-edge technologies and various modern types of transportations create a basis for explore and learn world. Living abroad ensures people informarion about other nations' and folks' language and traditions. Besides, by living foreign country people's newborn kids highly likely would become bilingual which, undoubtly, in the future it can be efficient so as to pursue succesful career. To given example, People from western countries usallly leave their country and go to to the east, especially China and Japan in order to do business. Consequently, They obtain way people live in the East. On the other hand, there are some disadvantages related to this matter. One of them is that as a result of long distance by plane, cars and trains travel make a possibility to cause contamination and defilment of atmosphere. On a daily bases about 70000 planes fly in a day and it makes a circumstance to threaten environment. For example, according to researches of scientists, high altitude and large amount of aircrafts are constituted primary impacts on depletion of Ozon layer. In conclusion, despite of some handicaps such as environmental issues, the advantages of modern tecnology and transportation still outweigh the disadvantages.
By virtue of revolutionary amelioration of transportation and technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have access to work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
any part of the world. In my opinion, the potential advantages of this statement preponderate over the potential drawbacks.

To commence with, in recent years the availability to internet almost everywhere
Possible spelling mistake found.
pavs
the way for job seekers. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, if a person who seeking for a job
is offered
an opportunity whose building
is located
oversea or far from his/her hometown. Candidate can
Possible spelling mistake found.
concamplacely
accept this offer and telecommute without leaving hometown as a consequence of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
Possible spelling mistake found.
enhacement
of technology. For
Possible spelling mistake found.
exanple
, Notwithstanding the fact that the head office of Facebook
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is located
in California, this corporation has
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use “many” or “numerous”
a large number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
employeers
who work from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
part of world.
Secondly
, another striking point is that the cutting-edge technologies and various modern types of transportations create a basis for explore and learn world. Living abroad ensures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
informarion
about other nations' and folks' language and traditions.
Besides
, by living foreign country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's newborn kids
highly
likely would become bilingual which,
Possible spelling mistake found.
undoubtly
, in the future it can be efficient
‘So as to’ expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using “to”
so as to
pursue
Possible spelling mistake found.
succesful
career. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
example,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
from western countries
Possible spelling mistake found.
usallly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their country and go
Possible typo: you repeated a word
to to
the east,
especially
China and Japan in order to do business.
Consequently
, They obtain way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the East.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages related to this matter. One of them is that
as a result
of long distance by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
, cars and trains travel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a possibility to cause contamination and
Possible spelling mistake found.
defilment
of atmosphere. On
A “base” is a flat surface. The correct phrase is “a daily basis” (basis = a metaphorical base).
a daily bases
about 70000
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
fly
in a
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
day and
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a circumstance to threaten environment.
For example
, according to researches of scientists, high altitude and large amount of
The plural of “aircraft” is not “aircrafts” but “aircraft”.
aircrafts
are constituted
primary impacts on depletion of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ozon
layer.

In conclusion
,
Did you mean “despite” (or, alternatively, ‘in spite of’)?
despite of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
handicaps such as environmental issues, the advantages of modern
Possible spelling mistake found.
tecnology
and transportation
still
outweigh the disadvantages.
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IELTS essay People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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