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Online shopping in our life

Online shopping in our life doVD6
Nowadays we are living technology age and also our country developing day by day. Online stores are being more preferable than going to the shop. One point of view in favour of online shopping helps us to save time more. In particular when someone go to the shop he / she will go around the shop in order to take more beautiful, cheap or more convenience clothes or other things. As a result shopping doesn't take your sensory time. Many people suggest that, online stores give us to chance to buy foreign products without going. In spite of the fact that which I mentioned there are some drawbacks. In the first place doing online shopping demands money for the delivery. Another additional disadvantage of that the thing which we ordered not will be expected. Moreover we cannot know the material or quality of the item which we ordered. Because we couldn't touch or see before buying. Taking everything into consideration as for me online shopping is not always good way. Although there are some good sites of online stores I prefer going to the shop.
Nowadays we are living technology age and
also
our country developing day by day.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
stores are being more preferable than going to the shop.

One point of view in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to save time more.
In particular
when someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "goes", "went".
go
to the shop he / she will go around the shop in order to take more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
or more convenience clothes or other things.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a result
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
doesn't take your sensory time.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
stores give us to chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
foreign products without going.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the fact that which I mentioned there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.

In the
first
place doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
demands money for the delivery.

Another additional disadvantage of that the thing which we ordered not will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
we cannot know the material or quality of the item which we ordered.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
we couldn't touch or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
buying.

Taking everything into consideration as for me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is not always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
sites of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
stores I prefer going to the shop.
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IELTS essay Online shopping in our life

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
185 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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