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One of the prime times for advertising on TV is when children get back from school. Some people think that advertisements aimed at children should not be allowed. What is your opinion?

Advertisements play a major role in influencing the buying decisions of customers. Over the years, there has been a dramatic increase in the number of ads targeting children because advertisers are aware that kids are the centre of nuclear families. Most of these ads are aired in the evenings when children are back from school and sitting in front of the television. Some people opine that commercials targeting young kids should be banned. I agree with this view to a great extent because in my opinion excessively promotional ads have a devastating effect on children. First of all, children are easily manipulated by the adverts which take them to the virtual world and coax them to purchase products that are not always worth their money. For instance, toys of the Star Wars series are very popular among teenagers and sales of these toys are very high in the market. Secondly, the advertisements are delivered in such a way that children start pestering their parents to buy those products. The fast food chain McDonald’s employs this strategy. Their ads attract more and more teenagers to eat fast food which is not good for health because it contains high levels of fats and cholesterol which cause obesity and diabetes in children. Another reason to restrict ads is that they may even put the lives of children at risk. Children often imitate the dangerous stunts performed by celebrities in commercials and often lose their life or cause themselves serious injuries because they are not aware of the consequences. On the other hand, not all ads are bad. Actually, some of them promote good habits in children. For example, some ads encourage children to brush their teeth twice a day and wash their hands frequently. Such ads develop healthy habits in children and hence they should be aired during prime time. To summarize, most ads targeting children are overly promotional and have a negative impact on children. Hence the government must ensure that they are not aired during prime time. However, ads promoting good habits and social commitment must be shown in the evenings when most children are in front of the television.
Advertisements play a major role in influencing the buying decisions of customers. Over the years, there has been a dramatic increase in the number of ads targeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
advertisers are aware that kids are the
Possible spelling mistake. ‘centre’ is British English.
centre
of nuclear families. Most of these ads
are aired
in the evenings when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are back from school and sitting in front of the television.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that commercials targeting young kids should
be banned
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view to a great extent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in my opinion
excessively
promotional ads have a devastating effect on children.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
easily
manipulated by the adverts which take them to the virtual world and coax them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
products that are not always worth their money.
For instance
, toys of the Star Wars series are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and sales of these toys are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high in the market.
Secondly
, the advertisements
are delivered
in such a way that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
pestering their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
those products. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food chain McDonald’s employs this strategy. Their ads attract more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it contains high levels of fats and cholesterol which cause obesity and diabetes in children.

Another reason to restrict ads is that they may even put the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
imitate the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
stunts performed by celebrities in commercials and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lose their
Did you mean “lives”?
life
or cause themselves serious injuries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not aware of the consequences.

On the other hand
, not all ads are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. Actually,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them promote
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ads encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to brush their teeth twice a day and wash their hands
frequently
. Such ads develop healthy habits in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
hence
they should
be aired
during prime time.

To summarize
, most ads targeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
overly
promotional and have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ensure that they are not aired during prime time.
However
, ads promoting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits and social commitment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be shown
in the evenings when most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are in front of the television.
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A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay One of the prime times for advertising on TV is when children get back from school. Some people think that advertisements aimed at children should not be allowed. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
359 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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