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Nowadays, young people communicate with friends and family mostly through social networking sites, rather than other ways of communication like talking on the phone or face to face. Do you think this is a positive or negative development ?

Nowadays, young people communicate with friends and family mostly through social networking sites, rather than other ways of communication like talking on the phone or face to face. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? 9kAW
An increasing number of people, particularly youngsters, meet and talk to their friends instead of having phone or in person conversations. In my opinion, this is a negative development which can lead isolation and misuse of social networks causing unpleasant problems later on in life. One serious problem that can arise from young generation socializing online is that it can lead to isolation. Before the Internet, the youth would frequently go out to meet friends, for example in cafes, bars and parks, whereas now they prefer to stay at home alone, chatting online. As a result, they are starting to spend the majority of their time alone at home in their room without meeting their fellow friends and household members. Isolation of this kind may sometimes lead to the depression and other serious issues too. Another issue is that meeting people online can be risky for young people. In other words, some users of social networking sites can assume fake identities online as well as hide their true characteristics. This is especially true for adolescents who are impressionable and can be lead into harmful situations. For instance, in 2015, a lot of teenagers were persuaded to become a member of terroristic groups because of using social networks inappropriately. Moreover, as this interaction is online, parents have no way of monitoring and protecting their from the above mentioned unwanted circumstances. In conclusion, although it has become more popular and common for the young part of the population to keep in touch with close people through social networks, it has brought too many problems to consider it as a negative development.
An increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
particularly
youngsters,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and talk to their friends
instead
of having phone or in person conversations. In my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
isolation and misuse of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks causing unpleasant problems later on in life.

One serious problem that can arise from young generation socializing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is that it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to isolation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
the Internet, the youth would
frequently
go out to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
friends,
for example
in
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
, bars and parks, whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they prefer to stay at home alone, chatting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
As a result
, they are starting to spend the majority of their time alone at home in their room without meeting their fellow friends and household members. Isolation of this kind may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to the depression and other serious issues too.

Another issue is that meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
can be risky for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
users of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites can assume fake identities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
their true characteristics. This is
especially
true for adolescents who are impressionable and can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
into harmful situations.
For instance
, in 2015,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
were persuaded
to become a member of terroristic groups
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks
inappropriately
.
Moreover
, as this interaction is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, parents have no way of monitoring and protecting their from the above mentioned unwanted circumstances.

In conclusion
, although it has become more popular and common for the young part of the population to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks, it has brought too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems to consider it as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, young people communicate with friends and family mostly through social networking sites, rather than other ways of communication like talking on the phone or face to face. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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