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Nowadays teenagers mostly spend time playing computer games rather than sports. What are the reasons for this? How can parents cope with this issue?

Nowadays teenagers mostly spend time playing computer games rather than sports. What are the reasons for this? How can parents cope with this issue? 7gJn
The influence of globalization which brings the rapid advancement of technology makes all people, both young and old, cannot be separated from technology such as cellphones. This development has made today's teenagers prefer to play online games rather than sports. The association of teenagers is one factor that cannot be eliminated, accompanied by online games as the main topic that is often discussed. Games that used to be just entertainment have turned into a habit and are now turning into a profession. The tightness of education today makes teenagers want to refresh. The fatigue that comes after exercise, is one of the reasons why games are more desirable even though sports are healthy for the body. Playing games is something that cannot be separated from teenagers but parents can enforce time limits. For example, children can only play on their cellphones on weekends. This rule has been enforced by various parents and it is prove to be successful. Beside of that, parents also should check their children's eyes regularly because excessive radiation from cellphones can damage their eyes. In conclusion, playing games has limits and must be controlled by parents. However, parents should not prohibit their children from playing games, because it has become their social demands and their hobby. Parents can also remind their children of the bad effects of cellphone radiation so that children can be self-aware and wiser in managing their time.
The influence of globalization which brings the rapid advancement of technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, both young and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, cannot
be separated
from technology such as cellphones. This development has made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
prefer to play online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
rather
than sports.

The association of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
is one factor that cannot
be eliminated
, accompanied by online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
as the main topic
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
discussed.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Games
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
entertainment have turned into a habit and are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
turning into a profession. The tightness of education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
want to refresh. The fatigue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
after exercise, is one of the reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are more desirable
even though
sports are healthy for the body.

Playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is something that cannot
be separated
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can enforce time limits.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
play on their cellphones on weekends. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
has
been enforced
by various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and it is
Consider using a past participle here: "proved", "proven".
prove
to be successful. Beside of that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
also
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their children's eyes
regularly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
excessive radiation from cellphones can damage their eyes.

In conclusion
, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has limits and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be controlled
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not prohibit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has become their social demands and their hobby.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
can
also
remind their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects of cellphone radiation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be self-aware and wiser in managing their time.
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IELTS essay Nowadays teenagers mostly spend time playing computer games rather than sports. What are the reasons for this? How can parents cope with this issue?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
235 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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