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Nowadays employment options are changing and employees cannot rely on having the same job and working conditions throughout their life. What are some possible causes? Suggest some ways to plan for the future under these circumstances.

A new trend is being observed quite commonly, even as the competition among the businesses rise, workers do not seem to be comfortable with similar work settings and nature of work for long. There are obvious reasons for this; however, this phenomena can be overcome by adopting certain prudent steps. One of the primary reasons of personnel becoming bored of a work setting is the working environment. Quite often, due to working in a similar stressful setting can cause inertia, and facing the music for not attaining goals makes the things worse. This fuels a sense of insecurity towards existing jobs, which makes people seek opportunities elsewhere; they wish to stay prepared for any eventuality, like being terminated from their current employment. Moreover, monetary factor is another cause that pushes workers to switch and not continue with the same organization for long. Many a times, it has been observed that businesses do not provide their existing workforce a fair deal when it comes to giving them a raise, while when they hire people from outside, they pay hefty pay packages. This can turn things sour and leave the current workers disgruntled. To ensure getting a deserving raise, people often switch employment. Nevertheless, this situation can be controlled provided the organizations ease the work pressure on their employees. This would make people enjoy their work and deliver productivity which in turn ensure a lower employee turnover. Furthermore, existing workers should be considered to a adequate raises in compensation. When people get a deserving deal, they feel cared for, and love to continue with the same organization. To conclude, I personally that organizational efficiency can be improved phenomenally if the workforce is happy and contented with the work and compensation. Thus, every effort should be made to ensure both these conditions.
A new trend is
being observed
quite
commonly
, even as the competition among the businesses rise,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
do not seem to be comfortable with similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
settings and nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for long. There are obvious reasons for this;
however
,
‘This’ does not seem to match the plural noun ‘phenomena’. Did you mean “these”?
this
phenomena can
be overcome
by adopting certain prudent steps.

One of the primary reasons of personnel becoming
In standard English it’s more accepted to use “bored with” or “bored by”.
bored of
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
setting is the working environment. Quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
, due to working in a similar stressful setting can cause inertia, and facing the music for not attaining goals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the things worse. This fuels a sense of insecurity towards existing jobs, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seek opportunities elsewhere; they wish to stay prepared for any eventuality, like
being terminated
from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
employment.

Moreover
, monetary factor is another cause that pushes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
to switch and not continue with the same organization for long.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
The plural noun “times” cannot be used with the article “a”. Did you mean “a time” or “times”?
a times
, it has
been observed
that businesses do not provide their existing workforce a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
deal when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to giving them a raise, while when they hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from outside, they pay hefty pay packages. This can turn things sour and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
disgruntled. To ensure getting a deserving raise,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
switch employment.

Nevertheless
, this situation can
be controlled
provided the organizations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure on their employees. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and deliver productivity which in turn ensure a lower employee turnover.
Furthermore
, existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
should
be considered
to
The plural noun “raises” cannot be used with the article “a”. Did you mean “a adequate raise” or “adequate raises”?
a adequate raises
in compensation. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a deserving deal, they feel cared for, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to continue with the same organization.

To conclude
, I
personally
that organizational efficiency can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
phenomenally
if the workforce is happy and contented with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and compensation.
Thus
, every effort should
be made
to ensure both these conditions.
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IELTS essay Nowadays employment options are changing and employees cannot rely on having the same job and working conditions throughout their life. What are some possible causes? Suggest some ways to plan for the future under these circumstances.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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