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Nowadays, children and teenagers spend more and more time indoors. What is the causes of this problem? What measures can be reduce this?

Nowadays, children and teenagers spend more and more time indoors. What is the causes of this problem? What measures can be reduce this? QLnLx
Nowadays, teens are utilizing an excessive amount of days inside of the house. This essay will discuss two causes of this problem such as indoor games on electric gadgets and homesickness. This essay will also suggest possible solutions to these concerns which are in twofold: outdoor sports and creative picnics outdoors. First of all, consuming whole day in the house has become very common among toddlers because of computer gamings and having home loving personalities. As a result, electronic gadgets are providing most of the sports online which can be played within a few clicks. Moreover, children are becoming house - lover as their parents are fulfilling their needs effortlessly, can convert them into homesickness later on. For example, 7 out of 10 teens are preferring to stay indoors for not only played or surfing on computers but also due to homesick nature. Therefore, attracted to electronics and indoor loving individual teenagers are undeniably choosing their rooms to utilize pace. Conversely, outdoor sports knowledge and some other creative tours can overcome above mentioned concerns. Consequently, toddlers need to be familiarized with sports such as cricket, basketball and so forth, which can influence them to leave their rooms. In addition, children should be taken to either picnic or tours by their guardians so that they can explore the world around them. After making these efforts who can still claim that teens are not leaving inside? For instance, applying these suggestions 95% of children are now choosing outside rather than inside. So, solutions of playing sports and creative tours by parents can overcome those concerns. In conclusion, spending a large portion of time has become widely popular especially in adolescents. This essay discussed two main difficulties such as love of interest and homesick personalities which can be defeated by suggesting solutions like outdoor sports and creative tours.
Nowadays, teens are utilizing an excessive amount of days
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "inside".
inside of
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. This essay will discuss two causes of this problem such as indoor games on electric gadgets and homesickness. This essay will
also
suggest possible solutions to these concerns which are in twofold: outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
picnics outdoors.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, consuming whole day in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common among toddlers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of computer
Possible spelling mistake found.
gamings
and having home loving personalities.
As a result
, electronic gadgets are providing most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
online which can
be played
within a few clicks.
Moreover
, children are becoming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
lover as their parents are fulfilling their needs
effortlessly
, can convert them into homesickness later on.
For example
, 7 out of 10 teens
The verb 'preferring' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are preferring
to stay indoors for not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
played or surfing on computers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
due to homesick nature.
Therefore
, attracted to electronics and indoor loving individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are
undeniably
choosing their rooms to utilize pace.

Conversely
, outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
knowledge and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tours
can overcome above mentioned concerns.
Consequently
, toddlers need to
be familiarized
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as cricket, basketball and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth, which can influence them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their rooms.
In addition
, children should
be taken
to either picnic or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tours
by their guardians
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can explore the world around them. After making these efforts who can
still
claim that teens are not leaving inside?
For instance
, applying these suggestions 95% of children are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
choosing outside
rather
than inside.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, solutions of playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tours
by parents can overcome those concerns.

In conclusion
, spending a large portion of time has become
widely
popular
especially
in adolescents. This essay discussed two main difficulties such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
of interest and homesick personalities which can
be defeated
by suggesting solutions like outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tours
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, children and teenagers spend more and more time indoors. What is the causes of this problem? What measures can be reduce this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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