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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamamous and weath than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people

Moving towards the 21st century, a large number of people are nowadays expressing a deeply growing concern about celebrities. In fact, there are some who hold firmly to their belief that some celebrities are known for their glamorous lifestyles rather than for the work they do and they set a bad example for children. However, others argue convincingly that many celebrities whose accomplishments make them excellent role models for young people. As far as I am concerned, I wholeheartedly agree with the former argument, and some major points will be addressed in the following paragraphs. To begin with, there is a clear evidence for other people to support the opposite view, there are celebrities who are popular for their incredible acts or outstanding performance. Actually, it is a well-documented fact that actors, musicians and sports stars become famous idols because they worked hard and applied themselves to develop real skills and abilities. For instance, the actor and martial artist Jacke Chan, who has become world-famous through years of practice and hard work. On the other hand, there are a number of points for people to defend the view that celebrities are now rated on the basis of their glamour quotient and bank balance. First of all, it is commonly accepted that they may consider being rich at all costs will make them to be celebrities. The most obvious example to prove is that young girls tend to take care of their appearance, have rich boyfriends, prostitute rather than studying or learning at school which may lead to the deterioration of morale. Equally important, there is no doubt that many people do achieve fame without really working. This is supported by the fact that they may have inherited money from parents, married a famous or wealthy person. Finally, it is inevitable that people may use beauty or commit crimes to have a luxurious life. For example, the models or beautiful girls may have sensitive and close relationships with millionaires to have financial support from them. All things considered, it is my strong belief that when their celebrities behave badly because of insufficient education and lack of acknowledgment, this may result in social evils in the society of youngsters. Accordingly, I highly recommend that the governments should enhance people’s awareness in terms of the ways to become rich and famous. If this recommendation is carried out, the comprehensive development our future generations will be ensured

Moving towards the 21st century, Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use “many” or “numerous”manynumerous
a large number of
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people
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celebrities
. In fact, there are This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a number of
some
 who hold firmly
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some
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celebrities
are known
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do and
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bad
 example for children. However
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many
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celebrities
 whose accomplishments This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :createconstructmanufactureproduce
make
 them excellent role models for young You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcrowdfamilycommunitynationsocietypublic
people
. As far as I am concerned
, I wholeheartedly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :acquiesce
agree
 with the former argument, and This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a number of
some
 major points will be addressed
 in the following paragraphs.

To This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :initiatecommence
begin
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clear
 evidence for other You use this word too often, consider replacing it withcrowdfamilycommunitynationsocietypublic
people
 to support the opposite view, there are You use this word too often, consider replacing it withsomeonefigureluminarypersonageherostar
celebrities
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famous
 idols This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:due to the factin light of the fact thatowing to the fact that
because
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hard
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hard
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On the other hand
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people
 to defend the view that You use this word too often, consider replacing it withsomeonefigureluminarypersonageherostar
celebrities
 are This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :nowadays
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accepted
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make
 them to be You use this word too often, consider replacing it withsomeonefigureluminarypersonageherostar
celebrities
. The most obvious example to prove is that young girls tend to take care of their appearance, have rich boyfriends, prostitute rather
 than studying or learning at school which may lead to the deterioration of morale. Equally
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, there is no doubt that This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a plethora ofa number ofnumerous
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people
 do achieve fame without really
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 or wealthy person. Finally
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people
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use
 beauty or commit crimes to have a luxurious life. For example
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All things considered, it is my strong belief that when their You use this word too often, consider replacing it withsomeonefigureluminarypersonageherostar
celebrities
 behave badly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:due to the factin light of the fact thatowing to the fact that
because
 of insufficient education and lack of acknowledgment, this may result in social evils in the society of youngsters. Accordingly
, I highly
 recommend that the This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :national authoritiespublic authorities
governments
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people’s
 awareness in terms of the ways to become rich and This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:well-known
famous
. If this recommendation is carried
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