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New technologies and ways of buying and selling are transforming the lives of consumers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

New technologies and ways of buying and selling are transforming the lives of consumers. with this opinion? WPrW
The purchasing and selling of goods has transformed the lives of the consumers as the technologies has improved throughout the world. I completely agree with this opinion and think that the technology improvement has changed the life of the consumers. First of all, I believe that technologies has made everything appeared online. If someone wants to buy even a small needle, he can buy it using online shopping applications. However, this made people lazy and dependent on the technologies. For instance, if you want to buy a shirt, than you don't need to visit the store for purchasing it. As the online application provide all the features to deal with the fitting and purchasing of the shirt. Secondly, this technologies are helping in saving the time. Nevertheless, you have to open the application for buying and selling the product, but it saves the time as you don't need to visit the store on your own. This saves the time and environment too. For example, people nowadays buy and sell the shares on the phone using the technology. However, in early days people used to visit to the agent for the same, but it has changed as the technology has transformed the lives of people. To conclude, I strongly believe that new technological improvements will save the time and environment and help the people to transform there lives.
The purchasing and selling of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
has transformed the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of the consumers as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
throughout the world. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
improvement has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the life of the consumers.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
has made everything appeared online. If someone wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
even a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
needle, he can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
it using online shopping applications.
However
, this made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lazy and dependent on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
.
For instance
, if you want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a shirt, than you don't need to visit the store for purchasing it. As the online application provide all the features to deal with the fitting and purchasing of the shirt.

Secondly
,
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
are helping in saving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Nevertheless
, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
open the application for buying and selling the product,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it saves the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as you don't need to visit the store on your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. This saves the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and environment too.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
and sell the shares on the phone using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
However
, in early days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to visit to the agent for the same,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has transformed the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that new technological improvements will save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and environment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to transform
Did you mean "their"?
there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
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IELTS essay New technologies and ways of buying and selling are transforming the lives of consumers. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
227 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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