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new store in the region to sell cloth and shoes A1

new store in the region to sell cloth and shoes A1 aw6kX
In this memorandum, president of Pensvile a series of stores has indicated that the new store should be built in the area since that is popular and profitable and provides three possible reasons to convince readers: 1) all time the sale of products such as, sport shoes and clothes are high at any time, 2) club is popular than it was in the past, 3) school children need to do exercise in the club. Close scrutiny of this plan reveals some hidden facts about the mentioned grounds in the memo. At the first place, club commodities are at the high level of sale which shows citizen need to employ shoes and clothes for sport is not rational, since perhaps it comparatively was low than other cities and this would be only estimate of president. Average sales for shoes and clothes had fluctuated season by season and had no constant rate in the region. And the store was sole store in the locale, hence building new store diminish its overall sales for the company. To support more, the region may be mountainous and with harsh climate which people require sport shoes and clothes to survive there and repairing cost for the shoes and clothes no longer is suitable. Second, the popularity of the club may be related to change people’s lifestyle cause in the past in some seasons, farmers had no activities on lands, so they tend to work in club, hence they need more shoes and clothes. High rate of using club in the mentioned area perhaps associated to only one age group in the region like old persons having no certain job and a great desire to work in the club to take a break from unwind and undue pressure. Third, participating children in the club is not sagacious option since they should play games to sparkle imagination and improving interpersonal interaction through find new friends during game. Fitness harm the mental and physical health of children and harm their grow rate because it affects their body to use some useful activities like running and speaking with other children. To conclude, the memo puts some unconvincing arguments to support the popularity of club which tend to establish a new one in the local region. Investigating this memo reveals that there are some doubts about the reasons in above such as, climate condition of region, seasonal jobs of residents and low desire to work in the club specially among children. It is highly recommended that company be precise in establishing new club since it escalates financial burden on company.
In this memorandum, president of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pensvile
a series of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
has indicated that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
should
be built
in the area since
that is
popular and profitable and provides three possible reasons to convince readers: 1) all time the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
of products such as, sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
are high at any time, 2)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
is
Use "(popular)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
popular
than it was in the past, 3) school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to do exercise in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
.
Consider using "scrutiny".
Close scrutiny
of this plan reveals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hidden facts about the mentioned grounds in the memo.

At the
first
place,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
commodities are at the high level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
citizen need to employ
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
for sport is not rational, since perhaps it
comparatively
was
Use "lower" to make a comparison with this adjective.
low
than other cities and this would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
estimate of president. Average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
had fluctuated season by season and had no constant rate in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
. And the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
was sole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
in the locale,
hence
building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
diminish its
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. To support more, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
may be mountainous and with harsh climate which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
require sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
to survive there and repairing cost for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
no longer is suitable.

Second, the popularity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
may
be related
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s lifestyle cause in the past in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
seasons, farmers had no activities on lands,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they tend to work in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
,
hence
they need more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
. High rate of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
in the mentioned area perhaps associated to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one age group in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
persons having no certain job and a great desire to work in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
to take a break from unwind and undue pressure.

Third, participating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
is not sagacious option since they should play games to sparkle imagination and improving interpersonal interaction through find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends during game. Fitness
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "harms".
harm
the mental and physical health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and harm their
The word 'grow' is a verb. Did you mean the noun "growth"?
grow
rate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it affects their body to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useful activities like running and speaking with other children.

To conclude
, the memo puts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unconvincing arguments to support the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
which tend to establish a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
one in the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
. Investigating this memo reveals that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
doubts about the reasons in above such as, climate condition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
, seasonal jobs of residents and low desire to work in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
specially
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It is
highly
recommended that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
be precise in establishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
since it escalates financial burden on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

IELTS essay new store in the region to sell cloth and shoes A1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
429 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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