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take risk or not?

take risk or not? lj1pJ
Controversy exists over whether people should take risk and attemt novel efforts rather than doing work they are doing. Whereas some may hold the opinion that take risk and try new things is sagacious option, others advocate an opposite direction. However, I would rather vote on former point of view in that not only does it improve the level of knowledge, but also it leads to creativities. The first factor which is convincing enough to favor the former point of view is that new attemps will pave the way for extending knowledge among socity members. In fact, trying new things result in new innovation and novel advancments for make a comfortable life for humanity. What is noticing is that seeking new things enhance the information and knowledge of people about world around. Thanks to this fact that new thing and take risk has some consequences which enriches people's information to exploring new innovation. To illustrate more, take a chemist who is exploring new material to find a pill for reducing pain among sicks as an example. This attemt informs people about the techniques which improve the human' health and provided more ways to later scientist to fighting against diseases. A further aspect which is worth to be mentioned here is that trying new things and take risk will present more creativities. Indeed, most of new creativity in business has originated from take risk and trying new things by advanturers. Each boost in economy of society relates to take risk. when a person takes risk in business to earn more money and enhancing annual salary, he provides numerous for people in that specific field, and so he reduces financial burden on community. For instance, one who want t o make a new instument for food industry to increase the quality of food, makes a lot of jobs for people in food business, and this leads to explotion in economy of country. All in all, takinh into acount all aforementioned factors, we safly arrive at a conclusion that take risk and attempt to gain new things is preferable choice, since they improve the knowledge of society regarding to much information is produced, and new job opportunites provided by businessmen. It is high time we stopped overlooking that take risk and new efforts to attain new things are not favorable.
Controversy exists over whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
attemt
novel efforts
rather
than doing work they are doing. Whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may hold the opinion that take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
and try
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things is sagacious option, others advocate an opposite direction.
However
, I would
rather
vote on former point of view in that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it leads to
Possible spelling mistake found.
creativities
.

The
first
factor which is convincing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to favor the former point of view is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
Possible spelling mistake found.
attemps
will pave the way for extending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
among
Possible spelling mistake found.
socity
members. In fact, trying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
innovation and novel
Possible spelling mistake found.
advancments
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a comfortable life for humanity. What is noticing is that seeking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things enhance the information and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about world around. Thanks to this fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
thing and take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consequences which enriches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's information to exploring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
innovation. To illustrate more, take a chemist who is exploring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
material to find a pill for reducing pain among sicks as an example. This
Possible spelling mistake found.
attemt
informs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the techniques which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the human' health and provided more ways to later scientist to fighting against diseases.

A
further
aspect which is worth to
be mentioned
here is that trying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things and take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
will present more
Possible spelling mistake found.
creativities
.
Indeed
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
creativity in business has originated from take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
and trying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things by
Possible spelling mistake found.
advanturers
. Each boost in economy of society relates to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
when
a person takes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
in business to earn more money and enhancing annual salary, he provides numerous for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in that specific field, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
financial burden on community.
For instance
, one who want t o
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
Possible spelling mistake found.
instument
for food industry to increase the quality of food,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
jobs for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in food business, and this leads to
Possible spelling mistake found.
explotion
in economy of country.

All in all,
Possible spelling mistake found.
takinh
into
Possible spelling mistake found.
acount
all aforementioned factors, we
Possible spelling mistake found.
safly
arrive at a conclusion that take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
and attempt to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things is preferable choice, since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of society
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
much information
is produced
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
job
Possible spelling mistake found.
opportunites
provided by businessmen. It is high time we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
overlooking that take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
efforts to attain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things are not favorable.
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IELTS essay take risk or not?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
387 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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