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MORE AND MORE YOUNG PEOPLE ARE USING DRUG AND ALCOHAL AND AS A RESULT, BREAKING A LAW. WHAT ARE CAUSES OF THIS PROBLEM WHAT ARE THE SOME POSSIBLE SOLLUTIONS. v.1

MORE AND MORE YOUNG PEOPLE ARE USING DRUG AND ALCOHAL AND AS A RESULT, BREAKING A LAW. WHAT ARE CAUSES OF THIS PROBLEM WHAT ARE THE SOME POSSIBLE SOLLUTIONS. v. 1
Using drugs and alcohol by youngsters becomes common and as a sequence, they take part in the crime. I tend to think that society does not carry on about poor people, but it is able to resolve issues together. If we try to understand why people drink or use drugs, we will find out a reason. It is because they aren't part of society. Maybe they have made a step side and it starts a chain of bad things. And as a result, nobody does not give them a good job, their wage is too small to participate in social life. These people feel that nobody is interested in them. And they around them self such people who are like them. The quality of their life gets low and the biggest problem is that they do not try to change it. Although there are several programs which have to improve the situation, it does not happen. In my opinion, the main aim of these programs is to make them a part of our society. The government has to help these people to find a job, a place which they can rent by low cost. Instead of the government try to struggle with the sequences. Unfortunately, we do not understand that when we help them, we help ourselves. This understanding is necessary, because it makes a request to the government to change their methods. This way already have passed a lot of countries. The others can repeat it. In conclusion, I would have to say that it is possible to resolve any problem. Dialogue and sharing is the way. People have to find a reason and mind it.
Using drugs and alcohol by youngsters becomes common and as a sequence, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the crime. I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that society does not carry on about poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is able to resolve issues together.

If we try to understand why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
drink or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
drugs, we will find out a reason. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they aren't part of society. Maybe they have made a step side and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
a chain of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things. And
as a result
, nobody does not give them a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job, their wage is too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
to participate in social life. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that nobody
is interested
in them. And they around them self such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are like them. The quality of their life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
low and the biggest problem is that they do not try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
it.

Although there are several programs which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the situation, it does not happen. In my opinion, the main aim of these programs is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them a part of our society. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to find a job, a place which they can rent by low cost.
Instead
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
try to struggle with the sequences.

Unfortunately, we do not understand that when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
ourselves. This understanding is necessary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a request to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their methods. This way already have passed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
countries. The others can repeat it.

In conclusion
, I would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
say that it is possible to resolve any problem. Dialogue and sharing is the way.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
find a reason and mind it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay MORE AND MORE YOUNG PEOPLE ARE USING DRUG AND ALCOHAL AND AS A RESULT, BREAKING A LAW. WHAT ARE CAUSES OF THIS PROBLEM WHAT ARE THE SOME POSSIBLE SOLLUTIONS. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
277 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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