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More and more people are using internet nowadays for their personal things such as shopping and paying bills. Does advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

More and more people are using internet nowadays for their personal things such as shopping and paying bills. Does advantages outweigh the disadvantages? ADDN
It is irrefutable that an increasing number of people today like to purchase products and paying bills through E-Commerce website. With billions of Internet users, online shopping is no longer a theory, but a reality, and it has changed people's lifestyle and buying habits to great extent. I believe this trend has many advantages, along with disadvantages for the human as well as the business. To begin with, online shopping is extremely convenient. Most of people these days have hectic schedules and as such they get hardly any time to buy things in stores as well as pay their bills or withdraw cash. Therfore, Internet is a boon for them. They no longer need to travel a long distance or wait in a long queue to place the order. You can buy whatever you need by simply tapping a few buttons on the screens. This facility saves both time and money. Also, E-Commerce offer huge discounts on their products. Furthermore, online banking, ticket booking system, e- payment and shopping facilitie people to avoid traffic congestion and help to maintain a green environment. In addition this facilities are available for 24x7, which provides freedom and flexibility you to buy things on in the comfort zone. If we shopping through stores and pay utility bills through organisations then we have to visiting on their working hours. It will difficult for working people to on time, becuse their working hours are also same as stores. As every garden has weeds, online shopping also have some drawbacks. Firstly, risk of fraud. If you are shopping online, there is a larger risk of fraud. For example, credit cards scams, hacking, identity theft, counterfit products bougus website, and other scams are common. Secondly, it have nagative impact on the local retailers. If everyone started doing all their shopping online, all the local stores would go out of business. To conclude, although there are some disadvantages of using internet for everyday tasks, however, benifits that online shopping offer outweigh a few demerits it has. I am also online shopper and I believe that this has improved our freedom of shopping and lifestyle
It is irrefutable that an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
products and paying bills through E-Commerce website. With billions of Internet users,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is no longer a theory,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a reality, and it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's lifestyle and buying habits to great extent. I believe this trend has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages, along with disadvantages for the human
as well
as the business.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is
extremely
convenient. Most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days have hectic schedules and as such they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hardly any time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things in stores
as well
as pay their bills or withdraw cash.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Therfore
, Internet is a boon for them. They no longer need to travel a long distance or wait in a long queue to place the order. You can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
whatever you need by
simply
tapping a few buttons on the screens. This facility saves both time and money.
Also
, E-Commerce offer huge discounts on their products.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
banking, ticket booking system, e- payment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake found.
facilitie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to avoid traffic congestion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to maintain a green environment. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
Did you mean "these"?
this
facilities are available for
Replace by the typographical symbol.
24x7,
which provides freedom and flexibility you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things on in the comfort zone. If we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
through stores and pay utility bills through
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
then we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
visiting on their working hours. It
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
will difficult
for working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to on time,
Possible spelling mistake found.
becuse
their working hours are
also
same as stores.

As every garden has weeds,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of fraud. If you are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, there is a larger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of fraud.
For example
, credit cards scams, hacking, identity theft,
Possible spelling mistake found.
counterfit
products
Possible spelling mistake found.
bougus
website, and other scams are common.
Secondly
, it
Did you mean "has"?
have
Possible spelling mistake found.
nagative
impact on the local retailers. If everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
doing all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, all the local stores would go out of business.

To conclude
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of using internet for everyday tasks,
however
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
benifits
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
offer outweigh a few demerits it has. I am
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopper and I believe that this has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
our freedom of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
lifestyle
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IELTS essay More and more people are using internet nowadays for their personal things such as shopping and paying bills. Does advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
354 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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