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Men are placed in most high-level jobs. Government should encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be preserved for women. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Men are placed in most high-level jobs. Government should encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be preserved for women. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages? qVRoP
It seems that always men are placed in a higher position as compared to women. Now time is changed both man and woman consider equally. The Government suppose to reserve a few percentages of seats in Government jobs for the female candidates. I believe that many advantages overlap the disadvantages. To begin with, in all over the world, the sex ratio of men are more than women hence for any job the proportion of man is higher than a woman so that the chance of getting a job in the favour of the male candidate. The Government should reserve a seat for a female applicant. It makes the equality between both male and female. Further, women are more potential, hardworking, and courage but they only need a little encouragement. They get motivation from another woman. For example, Kalpna Chawla was the first Indian-American women who went to space. She was the inspiration of many other girls who have dreams to do something big in their life. There is only one drawback is that during the pregnancy they have to take a long leave from a job that is essential for both mother and child because they need proper rest. However, Government never neglects the empty chair that can postpone many works during the time period of their leave. To conclude, Government role is significant in maintaining the balance between male and female applicants who is interested and capable for higher position job. Any applicant should not be selected on sex, race, and colour.
It seems that always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are placed
in a higher position as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
time is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
and woman consider
equally
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
suppose to reserve a few percentages of seats in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for the female candidates. I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages overlap the disadvantages.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in all over the world, the sex ratio of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
hence
for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
is higher than a woman
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the chance of getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
The usual preposition for "getting a job" is "with" for an organization. Revise: "with the favour".
in the favour
of the male candidate. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should reserve a seat for a female applicant. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the equality between both male and female.

Further
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are more potential, hardworking, and courage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
need a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
encouragement. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
motivation from another woman.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kalpna
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chawla
was the
first
Indian-American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who went to space. She was the inspiration of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other girls who have dreams to do something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
in their life.

There is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one drawback is that during the pregnancy they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take a long
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that is
essential for both mother and child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they need proper rest.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
never neglects the empty chair that can postpone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
works during the time period of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
role is significant in maintaining the balance between male and female applicants who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'applicants' should be used.
is
interested and capable for higher position
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Any applicant should not
be selected
on sex, race, and
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
.
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IELTS essay Men are placed in most high-level jobs. Government should encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be preserved for women. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
253 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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