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Many people travel from villages to cities to work. What are the problems associated by this tendency? How to solve them?

Many people travel from villages to cities to work. What are the problems associated by this tendency? How to solve them? WyqYD
Nowadays, it is evident that numerous people move from countrysides to towns for employment. It can lead considerable issues for both of them. From my point of view, the major trouble is that villages may become empty, since population moved from there. Moreover, second problem which has been triggered by previous one is environmental pollution in big cities. And the possible measures to solve this issues will be provided later. One of the main factors which have led to this unfortunate development is that due to movement of individuals to big cities for occupation. This means that many people abandon their homes in contrysides, as they look for a job with beneficial opportunities. As a result, explained above factor leads to lack of personal, therefore this areas can not exist. A second reason responsible for the issue related to environmental problems. Cities are full of people, consequantly because of increasing of quantity of cars and factories, the air may deteriorate. There are other several cases that has been emerged because of this problem, in particular traffic jams, rising of illnesses and crimes. Nonetheless, in my view, there are several effective ways to cope with detrimental tendency. Firs and foremost, if state athorities develop industries and provide work for all in small villages, then population can get a stable salary. Apart prom this, a second mean to manage the issue is by boosting of residental and commersial areas there. As a proof of effectiveness of the discribed solution I would like do describe an example: in 2019 the government of Republic of Kazakhstan instructed to construct hospitals, schools and facrories in contrysides. Today, peoples move from cities to villages for work. To conclude, I do believe that the problems has been caused by lack of work, and in order to resolve it I would suggest to build industrial facilities in small villages.
Nowadays, it is evident that numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from countrysides to towns for employment. It can lead considerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
for both of them. From my point of view, the major trouble is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
may become empty, since population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
from there.
Moreover
, second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
which has
been triggered
by previous one is environmental pollution in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. And the possible measures to solve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
will
be provided
later.

One of the main factors which have led to this unfortunate development is that due to movement of individuals to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for occupation. This means that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
abandon their homes in
Possible spelling mistake found.
contrysides
, as they look for a job with beneficial opportunities.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
above factor leads to lack of personal,
therefore
Did you mean "these"?
this
areas can not exist. A second reason responsible for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
related to environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cities
are full of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
consequantly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of increasing of quantity of cars and factories, the air may deteriorate. There are other several cases that has
been emerged
because of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
,
in particular
traffic jams, rising of illnesses and crimes.

Nonetheless, in my view, there are several effective ways to cope with detrimental tendency. Firs and foremost, if state
Possible spelling mistake found.
athorities
develop industries and provide work for all in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
, then population can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a stable salary. Apart prom this, a second mean to manage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
is by boosting of
Possible spelling mistake found.
residental
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
commersial
areas there. As a proof of effectiveness of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
discribed
solution I would like do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
an example: in 2019 the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of Republic of Kazakhstan instructed to construct hospitals, schools and
Possible spelling mistake found.
facrories
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
contrysides
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
for work.

To conclude
, I do believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
has
been caused
by lack of work, and in order to resolve it I would suggest to build industrial facilities in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
.
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IELTS essay Many people travel from villages to cities to work. What are the problems associated by this tendency? How to solve them?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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