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Many of the medical problems that people are experiencing in today's world are due to the fact that we have a very sedentary lifestyle.

Many of the medical problems that people are experiencing in today's world are due to the fact that we have a very sedentary lifestyle. 9L65w
In these days, individuals have an extremely sedentary lifestyle and this lifestyle causes a lot of important problem for our health. I completely agree this statement, because If we think about our ancestors which had active lifestyle and were very healthy. Firstly, technology is developed by scientists and engineers, although technological devices have a lot of advantages, sometimes affect badly people. I think that numerous people spend a lot of time with using of phones and due to the fact, phones emit unbelievably extreme radiation, as the result this radiation causes a lot of diseases, especially cancer. Secondly, nowadays many children prefer home to street, because of computer games and phone. Honestly, computer games are very attractive for all children, but parents should ban using a lot phone and this undeniably useful invention decrease our level of eyesight, as the result using of glasses are gradually increasing. On the other hand, in my opinion, we must reduce the number of people who have sedentary lifestyle. Firstly, all people walk at least 1 hours a day and this is indispensable way all over the world, because people escape from this lifestyle. For example, if they go to appealing museum or interesting theatre, they will learn a lot of amazing facts, communicate with other people and recover from unsociable life. In the conclusion, I strongly believe that, if we consider sedentary lifestyle, we will understand that all people try to avoid this lifestyle. I hope that we will achieve solving this primary problem, as the result we will look at graphs of decreasing of illnesses.
In these days, individuals have an
extremely
sedentary
lifestyle
and this
lifestyle
causes a
lot
of
important
problem for our health. I completely
agree
this statement,
because
If we
think
about our ancestors which had active
lifestyle
and were
very
healthy.

Firstly
, technology
is developed
by scientists and engineers, although technological devices have a
lot
of advantages,
sometimes
affect
badly
people
. I
think
that numerous
people
spend a
lot
of time with using of
phones
and due to the fact,
phones
emit
unbelievably
extreme radiation, as the result this radiation causes a
lot
of diseases,
especially
cancer.
Secondly
, nowadays
many
children prefer home to street,
because
of computer games and
phone
.
Honestly
, computer games are
very
attractive for all children,
but
parents should ban using a
lot
phone
and this
undeniably
useful invention decrease our level of eyesight, as the result using of glasses are
gradually
increasing.

On the other hand
, in my opinion, we
must
reduce
the number of
people
who have sedentary
lifestyle
.
Firstly
, all
people
walk at least 1 hours a day and this is
indispensable
way all over the world,
because
people
escape from this
lifestyle
.
For example
, if they go to appealing museum or interesting
theatre
, they will learn a
lot
of amazing facts, communicate with other
people
and recover from unsociable life.

In the conclusion, I
strongly
believe that, if we consider sedentary
lifestyle
, we will understand that all
people
try to avoid this
lifestyle
. I hope that we will achieve solving this primary problem, as the result we will look at graphs of decreasing of illnesses.
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IELTS essay Many of the medical problems that people are experiencing in today's world are due to the fact that we have a very sedentary lifestyle.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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