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Many countries aim to improve their living standard by economic development, but some important social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

How far is it worth going to improve people’s living standards? What is an acceptable loss due to this? Some governments desire to enhance their standard of living through economic advancement even though some values are lost in the process. The purpose of this essay is to demonstrate the disadvantages of this decision and the consequences of people’s life. Although existing benefits the drawbacks will be harsher. To support this it can be argued that the mindset of citizens is increasingly more materialistic and kids thinking that everything can be bought. Also the huge growth of psychological problems in children and teenagers recently. Not to mention the negative environmental impacts. First and foremost, it is remarkable that economic growth will create more jobs and shrink the proportion of unemployment. As a consequence, people can get better lives. Ironically, on the other hand, raising the workload, parents have less time with the children, as they spend more time working. They then try to replace this emptiness with money and material things. As a result, the number of children with depression and psychological problems has increased. In this day and age, people are more and more materialistic and their children think that everything can be bought. With that said, the values about what it is really important in life are being lost indeed. Secondly, with the development of infrastructure and transportation, it is easier for people to travel safely and faster. But, all this evolution will result in negative impacts on the environment such as air and water pollution, global warming, melting of the polar ice caps and epidemics. In conclusion, even though there are pros in improving peoples' life by economic improvement, the cons are the harshest, so I emphasize my view that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages and that the countries should aim to improve their living standard in another way with less damage.
How far is it worth going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
living standards? What is an acceptable loss due to this?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
desire to enhance their standard of living through economic advancement
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
values
are lost
in the process. The purpose of this essay is to demonstrate the disadvantages of this decision and the consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
existing benefits the drawbacks will be harsher. To support this it can
be argued
that the mindset of citizens is
increasingly
more materialistic and kids thinking that everything can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the huge growth of psychological problems in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
recently. Not to mention the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
environmental impacts.

First
and foremost, it is remarkable that economic growth will create more jobs and shrink the proportion of unemployment. As a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Ironically
,
on the other hand
, raising the workload, parents have less time with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, as they spend more time working. They then try to replace this emptiness with money and material things.
As a result
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with depression and psychological problems has increased. In this day and age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more and more materialistic and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that everything can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
. With that said, the values about what it is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in life are
being lost
indeed
.

Secondly
, with the development of infrastructure and transportation, it is easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to travel
safely
and faster.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, all this evolution will result in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the environment such as air and water pollution, global warming, melting of the polar ice caps and epidemics.

In conclusion
,
even though
there are pros in improving peoples' life by economic improvement, the cons are the harshest,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I emphasize my view that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages and that the countries should aim to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their living standard in another way with less damage.
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IELTS essay Many countries aim to improve their living standard by economic development, but some important social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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