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In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn on their own income and therefore do not require the financial security marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree?

These days women are independent and they do require men in their entire life because they earn enough to look after themselves. I can partially agree with this view because there are many other women who feel men make women complete in their life. To begin, women empowerment and gender equality have made females courageous to detach men from their life. A large number of females nowadays work and stay alone at different locations. Urbanization and the cutting edge technology have largely contributed to the female security. Women feel safe in society because they can get help from the local officers within minutes via smartphones and various applications. For example, Bangalore in India is a crime free zone according to the Time report published last month. The report also said, instalments of various cameras and provisions to call for help have eradicated many criminals from the locality. For these reasons, women are reluctant to marry and prefer to stay alone. However, there are some women who desire, love and care. Even though they earn and feel safe in society, without man a life’s journey is incomplete. They wish to have someone besides them when they feel lonely and sad, someone to hold them and console them when are in agony. For example, In Mangalore, a number of females were treated for depression in the year 2019, and most of them were wealthy and unmarried. It is evident that women require men at some point of life. In conclusion, modern technology and national security system have caused women to stay single, however, it is imperative to have someone to love and care in our lives.
These days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
independent and
they do require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in their entire life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to look after themselves. I can
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
complete in their life.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
empowerment and gender equality have made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
courageous to detach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
from their life.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use “many” or “numerous”
A large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
nowadays work and stay alone at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
locations. Urbanization and the cutting edge technology have
largely
contributed to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
security.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
safe in society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the local officers within minutes via smartphones and various applications.
For example
, Bangalore in India is a crime free zone according to the Time report published last month. The report
also
said,
Possible spelling mistake. ‘instalments’ is British English.
instalments
of various cameras and provisions to call for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
have eradicated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
criminals from the locality. For these reasons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are reluctant to marry and prefer to stay alone.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who desire,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care.
Even though
they earn and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
safe in society, without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
a life’s journey is incomplete. They wish to have someone
besides
them when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
lonely and sad, someone to hold them and console them when are in agony.
For example
, In Mangalore, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
were treated
for depression in the year 2019, and most of them were wealthy and unmarried. It is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point of life.

In conclusion
, modern technology and national security system have caused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to stay single,
however
, it is imperative to have someone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
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IELTS essay In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn on their own income and therefore do not require the financial security marriage can bring.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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