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Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. to what extend do you agree with this statement

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. to what extend YrdQ
Nowadays, most children are terrible at keeping healthy. Their acitvities and food atributed to their unhealthy lifestyle. Not because they don’t want to stay healthy but also this is the way they expres their self. In my opinion, parents as the closest person in their life should have recognized their behavior to prevent their children become sick and get disastruous virus embedded in their children body. In my country, many children spend most of their time at home. That is to say those younguns just tend not to doing physic activities. They just lie down on bed and do easy movement. Needless to say, These activities definitely did not give much development on their muscle and affect to their growth body. Most another spending time that younguns spent is staring intensely in front of their mobile phones. That is one of unhealthy younguns habits. They favoured to play online game hours even all day long rather than playing game face-to-face with other children within 1 to 2 hours. This activities will affect to their social skills. They will have no experience on interacting with the others and end up getting mental illness. Parents should be a precedent for their children especially in their home. Doing physic exercise in front of their children will encourage children emulating the same activities. Also, children should be given a share of easy work at home such as throwing rubbish so that they have a responsibility skill. Moreover, having a good discussion with them and carrying them to relative’s home will improve their social skill even though they just sit around and don’t want to talk with the others. In conclusion, parents should take responsibility early to avoid unhealthy lifestyle that might be occured to their children.
Nowadays, most
children
are terrible at keeping healthy. Their
acitvities
and food
atributed
to their unhealthy lifestyle. Not
because
they don’t want to stay healthy
but
also
this is the way they
expres
their self. In my opinion, parents as the closest person in their life should have recognized their behavior to
prevent
their
children
become sick and
get
disastruous
virus embedded in their
children
body.

In my country,
many
children
spend most of their time at home.
That is
to say those
younguns
just
tend not to doing physic
activities
. They
just
lie down on bed and do easy movement. Needless to say, These
activities
definitely did not give much development on their muscle and affect to their growth body.

Most another spending time that
younguns
spent is staring
intensely
in front of their mobile phones.
That is
one of unhealthy
younguns
habits. They
favoured
to play online game hours even all day long
rather
than playing game face-to-face with other
children
within 1 to 2 hours.
This
activities
will affect to their social
skills
. They will have no experience on interacting with the others and
end
up getting mental illness.

Parents should be a precedent for their
children
especially
in their home. Doing physic exercise in front of their
children
will encourage
children
emulating the same
activities
.
Also
,
children
should be
given
a share of easy work at home such as throwing rubbish
so
that they have a responsibility
skill
.
Moreover
, having a
good
discussion with them and carrying them to relative’s home will
improve
their social
skill
even though
they
just
sit around and don’t want to talk with the others.

In conclusion
, parents should take responsibility early to avoid unhealthy lifestyle that might be
occured
to their
children
.
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IELTS essay Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. to what extend

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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