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Laozi said that everyone should stick to their nature, while Confucius said that we must stick to rules to become a better version. What is your opinion, a short paragraph about 150 words?

Laozi said that everyone should stick to their nature, while Confucius said that we must stick to rules to become a better version. What is your opinion, a short paragraph about 150 words? j8EMd
In these day, there has been an argument that if we should live base on natural circle or should we inhabit under the laws and obligations for establishing ourselves. I believe that adhering to the rules would lead human to a form of humanity. If every human on earth stick to their nature, the order of the society would be ruined, many expected and unexpected terrors would occur. Specifically, every human being is born with different characteristics, according to some philosophers, could have good and bad side. Lifestyle based on our nature would become the cause of chaos, disorganization. For instance, terrorisms, riots, violence could be common scenarios if mankind don’t work and follow the rules. Therefore, if people dwell under a world working by rules and obligations, the society would be balanced, and more stable. In addition, based on law and order of development, one can evolve to higher levels of intelligence.
In
Did you mean "this day" or "these days"?
these day
, there has been an argument that if we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
base on natural circle or should we inhabit under the laws and obligations for establishing ourselves. I believe that adhering to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
would lead human to a form of humanity. If every human on earth stick to their nature, the order of the society would
be ruined
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
and unexpected terrors would occur.
Specifically
, every human being
is born
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
characteristics, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
philosophers, could have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
side. Lifestyle based on our nature would become the cause of chaos, disorganization.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
terrorisms
, riots, violence could be common scenarios if mankind don’t work and follow the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
Therefore
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
dwell under a world working by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and obligations, the society would
be balanced
, and more stable.
In addition
, based on law and order of development, one can evolve to higher levels of intelligence.
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IELTS essay Laozi said that everyone should stick to their nature, while Confucius said that we must stick to rules to become a better version. What is your opinion, a short paragraph about 150 words?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
153 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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