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It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children? 7XEA
It is of paramount importance that children have the ability to distinguish between right and wrong through learning. Many may consider punishment as an indispensable part of this learning process but as far as I am concerned, I do not side with this notion owing to its violence and inefficiency. Should it is unavoidable to have an appropriate type of punishment, it will be more plausible to ask students for doing extracurricular activities like volunteer jobs instead of using physical punishment. Punishments are often associated with negativity which is not suitable for academic environments. First of all, youngsters are vulnerable so their flaws should be judged in a delicate way. The more stakeholders overuse punishment, the more shameful these students are which can result in pessimistic thoughts. An illustration can be given to this is a case of a Vietnamese teacher forcing her students to drink sewage from washing cleaning cloths. This situation will not only affect students' physical health but also their mental health. Moreover, students may behave improperly and underestimate teachers afterwards. This is apparent because these individuals are well-served at home so they will find "actions of respect", as what teachers may call, is unacceptable. There is a plethora of approaches educators may make use of, one of which is doing volunteer works. Why this solution is feasible is that it lay the foundation for the children to become more generous and more aware of the others. For instance, teachers may require a student who has not accomplished his homework to spend time on an orphanage house in which the children have a limited access to education. Henceforth, this pupil can understand how privileged he is, what he is expected to behave and improve himself. Therefore, an opportunity for these juveniles to do meaningful works as a way of punishing is prior to conventional sort of punishment.
It is of paramount importance that children have the ability to distinguish between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
through learning.
Possible agreement error. The noun may seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much may", "a good deal of may".
Many may
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
as an indispensable part of this learning process
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as far as I
am concerned
, I do not side with this notion owing to its violence and inefficiency. Should it is unavoidable to have an appropriate type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
, it will be more plausible to ask
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for doing extracurricular activities like volunteer jobs
instead
of using physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Punishments
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
associated with negativity which is not suitable for academic environments.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, youngsters are vulnerable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their flaws should
be judged
Consider replacing "in a delicate way" with the adverb for "delicate"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a delicate way
. The more stakeholders overuse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
, the more shameful these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are which can result in pessimistic thoughts. An illustration can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to this is a case of a Vietnamese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
forcing her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to drink sewage from washing cleaning cloths. This situation will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affect students' physical health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their mental health.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may behave
improperly
and underestimate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
afterwards. This is apparent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these individuals are well-served at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will find
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
actions of respect
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, as what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
may call, is unacceptable. There is a plethora of approaches educators may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of, one of which is doing volunteer works. Why this solution is feasible is that it lay the foundation for the children to become more generous and more aware of the others.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
may require a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who has not accomplished his homework to spend time on an orphanage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
in which the children have
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "limited access".
a limited access
to education. Henceforth, this pupil can understand how privileged he is, what he is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to behave and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
himself.
Therefore
, an opportunity for these juveniles to do meaningful works as a way of punishing is prior to conventional sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
.
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IELTS essay It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
310 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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