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It is better for children if the whole family including aunts, uncles and so on are involved in a child’s upbringing, rather than just their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A few humans believe growing up a kid is not the sole responsibility of those who have given birth to that kid whilst it must include the participation of other family members like cousins, nieces and so on. I assert that it can help the infants to brighten up their future life when they are being surrounded by kith and kins. This essay looks into aspects like storytelling, gaining experience, entertainment and joint family culture. Primarily, a toddler gets a chance of learning a different kind of stories from grandparents when they are in their warmth hands. It is possible to make the children learn good habits like clean and respect through stories whereas a working mother or father is not able to spend time for such things. For example, a year-old kid learns wisdom and being respectful to elders through harmless words from a grandfather or grandmother as they are always with them at the home. The loneliness around a kid is killed because of this as the baby finds good companionship, fun and entertainment from playing with their grandparents. The second benefit is, it promotes joint family culture among young generations. An adolescent who has been brought up in a small family is of low tolerance level and finds it difficult to handle any issues. On the other hand, a youngster who has been nurtured with his or her uncles' or aunts' experience and guidance, feels great moral support and faces the outside world confidently. A study from the International Children Association, for instance, states children who have brought up in a joint family are of highly successful than the children who have grown up by only their parents. To conclude, I would say that it is essential for a person to keep the people around him or her always as it will help them to come out of any stress or lonely, children are no exception to this. Relationships are precious hence, I would like to suggest to bring up a child with their blood relatives as he will turn into a good citizen of tomorrow.
A few humans believe growing up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
is not the sole responsibility of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
birth to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
whilst it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
include the participation of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members like cousins, nieces and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. I assert that it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the infants to brighten up their future life when they are
being surrounded
by kith and
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean “kin”, the plural form of the noun ‘kin’?
kins
. This essay looks into aspects like storytelling, gaining experience, entertainment and joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
culture.

Primarily
, a toddler
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
a chance of learning a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of stories from grandparents when they are in their warmth hands. It is possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits like clean and respect through stories whereas a working mother or father is not able to spend time for such things.
For example
, a year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
learns wisdom and being respectful to elders through harmless words from a grandfather or grandmother as they are always with them at the home. The loneliness around a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
is killed
because of this
as the baby finds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
companionship, fun and entertainment from playing with their grandparents.

The second benefit is, it promotes joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
culture among young generations. An adolescent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has
been brought
up in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is of low tolerance level and finds it difficult to handle any issues.
On the other hand
, a youngster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has
been nurtured
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
uncles' or aunts' experience and guidance, feels great moral support and faces the outside world
confidently
. A study from the International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
Association,
for instance
, states
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have brought up in a joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are of
highly
successful than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have grown up by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their parents.

To conclude
, I would say that it is essential for a person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around him or her always as it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
or lonely,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are no exception to this. Relationships are precious
hence
, I would like to
The verb ‘suggest’ is used with the gerund form: “suggest bringing”.
suggest to bring
up a child with their blood relatives as he will turn into a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
citizen of tomorrow.
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IELTS essay It is better for children if the whole family including aunts, uncles and so on are involved in a child’s upbringing, rather than just their parents.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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