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In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

In today’s era, overweight is the one of the major health problems. People’s average weight has been increasing day by day, while the health levels are decreasing. Before embarking on my viewpoint, this essay will highlight not only the reason behind this approach but also provides the potential measures to resolve it. First and foremost, I have two major points that why people’s average weight is increasing. Firstly, since people have very haptic schedules in their routine, they do not have time for their health and fitness. As the result, they are being overweight, because to keep body healthy we need to do exercise. Secondly, most of the people eat junk food and street food to save their time. Due to street food and junk food can be eaten easily and it have a lot amount of fat, that is responsible for increasing weight. Moving further, there are two main points of that, how we can stay away from being overweight. First of all, since people are not aware about the problem that can be caused by being overweight, they ignore this problem. If people will be aware about causes of it, they will start taking care of their health. Therefore, government should give knowledge about this problem as heart attacks, diabetes etc. In addition, if companies, where people work, start giving an extra bonus on being fit, people will start to taking care of their heated in the greed of money. In conclusion, this essay had highlighted the reasons and the solutions behind this approach. Most the people are not aware about the problems which are associated with being overweight. If the people will get knowledge about this, they will start taking care of themselves
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s era,
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overweight
is the one of the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People’s
average weight has been increasing day by day, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
levels are decreasing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
embarking on my viewpoint, this essay will highlight not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the reason behind this approach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provides the potential measures to resolve it.
First
and foremost, I have two major points that why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
average weight is increasing.
Firstly
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
haptic schedules in their routine, they do not have time for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and fitness. As the result, they are being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
body healthy we need to do exercise.
Secondly
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eat junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to save their time. Due to street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can
be eaten
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
easily and
it
After ‘it’, use the third-person verb form “has”.
have
a lot amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
,
that is
responsible for increasing weight. Moving
further
, there are two main points of that, how we can stay away from being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
.
Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not aware about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
that can
be caused
by being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be aware about causes of it, they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
taking care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should give knowledge about this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
as heart attacks, diabetes etc.
In addition
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
giving an extra bonus on
being fit
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
to taking care of their heated in the greed of money.
In conclusion
, this essay had highlighted the reasons and the solutions behind this approach. Most the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not aware about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
which
are associated
with being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge about this, they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
taking care of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
themselves
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IELTS essay In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
285 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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