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To what extent does this trend benefit the students themselves and the countries involved? What are the drawbacks?

To what extent does this trend benefit the students themselves and the countries involved? What are the drawbacks? 6xN1B
Nowadays, the primary choice of students in education is going abroad. Though this trend appears to have such tremendous advantages to the students and their destined countries, it is indisputable that it has some noticeable drawbacks. The first benefit of studying abroad is that students have an opportunity to expand their horizon. They are immersed with multiple cultures from their peers around the world, which is an advantage to expand their knowledge about the world and its various components. Students also receive a high-class education far developed than their original environment; for example, most universities provide internship from large companies to their students, so that they are able to get used to the pressing atmosphere of the workplace, equip themselves with enough experience to become future qualified workers. Besides, studying abroad also gains profits for the involved countries. In a country attracting a large number of international students, its education department prospers with a load of money (e. g: most schools in the US charge international students with much higher tuition than the US residents'). However, the drawbacks of studying abroad is to be concerned. First, a new student are prone to experience homesick, as well as other mental problems if he or she does not have a strong, determined will. Recently, the number of international students committing suicide due to the distressing environment, the harsh discrimination from their peers, or other factors have increased dramatically, which is an alarm to youngsters haboring studying abroad. In short, leaving original country to pursue an advanced education is soaring as a trend, especially among youngsters. Not only does It provide opportunity for students to experience multi-cultures as well as advanced workplace, it also profits the destined countries with a huge amount of money, especially its Educational Department. However, its disbenefits such as discrimination, homesicking and so on factors need to be put into serious consideration, so that people are able to make the best choice for their futures.
Nowadays, the primary choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
. Though this trend appears to have such tremendous advantages to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and their destined
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, it is indisputable that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
noticeable drawbacks.

The
first
benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have an opportunity to expand their horizon. They
are immersed
with multiple cultures from their peers around the world, which is an advantage to expand their knowledge about the world and its various components.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
also
receive a high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
far developed than their original environment;
for example
, most universities provide internship from large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to the pressing atmosphere of the workplace, equip themselves with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
experience to become future qualified workers.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
also
gains profits for the involved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
attracting
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
department prospers with a load of money (e. g: most schools in the US charge international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with much higher tuition than the US residents').

However
, the drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
is to
be concerned
.
First
, a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
are prone to experience homesick,
as well
as other mental problems if he or she does not have a strong, determined will. Recently, the number of international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
committing suicide due to the distressing environment, the harsh discrimination from their peers, or other factors have increased
dramatically
, which is an alarm to youngsters
Possible spelling mistake found.
haboring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
abroad.

In short, leaving original
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to pursue an advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is soaring as a trend,
especially
among youngsters. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does It provide opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to experience multi-cultures
as well
as advanced workplace, it
also
profits the destined
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with a huge amount of money,
especially
its Educational Department.
However
, its
Possible spelling mistake found.
disbenefits
such as discrimination,
Possible spelling mistake found.
homesicking
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on factors need to
be put
into serious consideration,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the best choice for their futures.
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IELTS essay To what extent does this trend benefit the students themselves and the countries involved? What are the drawbacks?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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