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In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages? oRRKq
The advancements in technology have made our life effortless. Nowadays, the majority of the population utilize this technology for many purposes such as paying bills, banking and shopping. Though there are certain disadvantages to online payment, its merits outweigh them. There are numerous benefits to E-payment. Firstly, people can pay bills from their comfort zones, be it home or office by a simple click of the button. This saves them a lot of time and energy. For instance, they do not have to travel to the telephone office or stand in long queue to remit their bills anymore. Instead they can use this valuable time for other meaningful purposes. Secondly, payment through apps saves us money. Many applications offer discounts and reductions when payment is made through them. For example, I received a 5% cashback for my first electricity bill payment made through GPay. These offers are a major reason for the wide use of such applications. Thus, it is clear that E-payment saves humankind his valuable time and money. Having said that, there are a few downsides to this payment modality. Older people may not be familiar with the latest technology and their applications. In other words, the elderly can find it rather complicated. Therefore, online payment may be unsuitable for most older people. There is also the risk of fraud. If the phone or the laptop gets stolen, the payment information saved on it could be misused. To conclude, in this advanced world people prefer to use mobile phone applications for transactions. Even though it has some disadvantages, online payment saves mankind time, energy and money and hence its advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
The advancements in technology have made our life effortless. Nowadays, the majority of the population utilize this technology for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
purposes such as paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bills
, banking and shopping. Though there are certain disadvantages to online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
, its merits outweigh them.

There are numerous benefits to E-payment.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bills
from their comfort zones, be it home or office by a simple click of the button. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saves
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy.
For instance
, they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel to the telephone office or stand in long queue to remit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bills
anymore.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Instead
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for other meaningful purposes.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
through apps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saves
us money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
offer discounts and reductions when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
is made
through them.
For example
, I received a 5% cashback for my
first
electricity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
made through
Possible spelling mistake found.
GPay
. These offers are a major reason for the wide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that E-payment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saves
humankind his valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money.

Having said that, there are a few downsides to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
modality. Older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may not be familiar with the latest technology and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
.
In other words
, the elderly can find it
rather
complicated.
Therefore
, online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
may be unsuitable for
Use only "older" (without 'most') when you use the comparative.
most older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. There is
also
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of fraud. If the phone or the laptop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
stolen, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
information saved on it could
be misused
.

To conclude
, in this advanced world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
for transactions.
Even though
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages, online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saves
mankind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, energy and money and
hence
its advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
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IELTS essay In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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