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Hospital should charge high prices for their services, and no one should receive free healthcare because individuals are responsible for looking after their own health. Do you agree with this opinion?

Hospital should charge high prices for their services, and no one should receive free healthcare because individuals are responsible for looking after their own health. Do you agree with this opinion? G9x1j
It is generally accepted that health is so important to survive. Certain individuals say that the costs to treat should be more expensive at hospitals otherwise people will not take care of their own health. From my opinion, I disagree with the given idea. The following paragraphs will discuss the reason behind the aforementioned statement as well as examples to support the notion. First of all, there are a lot of difficult disease to treat such as cancer, heart attack and Covid 19. To be clear, People tend to get like these disease before dye so they have to go to hospital. However, if it is so high price, they will never go to there as it is too expensive to cure so they will choose their death and give the money to their family. In addition, medical development relates to the time of life so I suppose that it means people should take the treats from the hospitals if they get some diseases to make their life longer. Secondly, in poor area, some people cannot go to hospital as they do not have enough money. They are always worried about food so they get sick easily. In a research, there is a high trend of deaths in poor countries because of disease. Thus, the cost of treats should be free or reduced to save poor people. In conclusion, I disagree the given statement due to the high cost of treat killing people who can still survive if they get the cure and saving poor people.
It is
generally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that health is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to survive. Certain individuals say that the costs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treat
should be more expensive at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
otherwise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not take care of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
health. From my opinion, I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. The following paragraphs will discuss the reason behind the aforementioned statement
as well
as examples to support the notion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treat
such as cancer, heart attack and
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
Covid 19
. To be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
like these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
dye
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
.
However
, if it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
high price, they will never
There isn't usually a preposition before "there". Did you mean "go there"?
go to there
as it is too expensive to cure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will choose their death and give the money to their family.
In addition
, medical development relates to the time of life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I suppose that it means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treats
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospitals
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their life longer.

Secondly
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
area,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
as they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money. They are always worried about food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick
easily
. In a research, there is a high trend of deaths in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
.
Thus
, the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treats
should be free or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, I disagree the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement due to the high cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treat
killing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can
still
survive if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the cure and saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS essay Hospital should charge high prices for their services, and no one should receive free healthcare because individuals are responsible for looking after their own health. Do you agree with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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