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Governments around the world spend too much money on treating illnesses and diseases and not enough on health education and prevention. Do you agree or disagree with this statement

Governments around the world spend too much money on treating illnesses and diseases and not enough on health education and prevention. e9PV
It is undeniable fact that authorities invest large amount of money on treatment of people's ailments and health issues; however, they spend not much money on health education and precaution on whole world. The given approach seems useful to me, since it can bring optimistic outcomes. A plethora of reasons are there which can be referred to show that, why government should pay for health education and reduction. First and foremost, if regimes provide campaign support for awareness of hygienic and health care knowledge to individuals, masses would implement those methods to make their life immensely better. To explain, persons can mitigate the health problems and illnesses by getting vast information regarding health care and prevention of ailments. For example, due to the aid of camping, individuals can learn different types of ways to survive in good lifestyles and healthy habits. That is why, government should provide free assistance to people to knowing about healthy lifestyle. In addition to this, when authorities provide costless medical services to poor families then the fittest communities can establish in the world. So that communities will also do help in increasing nations economy. To elaborate, people do not have to spend money on treatment because of government assistant. Moreover, they may invest that money on living in better life, they have more opportunities to find lucrative jobs and to become affluent people. Thus, government should pay attention on providing funds for health care services to all residents. To conclude, I would like to reiterate that spending money on people's treatment and health education is better way to provide good lifestyle to all individuals.
It is undeniable fact that authorities invest large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on treatment of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's ailments and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues;
however
, they spend not much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education and precaution on whole world. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
approach seems useful to me, since it can bring optimistic outcomes.

A plethora of reasons are there which can
be referred
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that, why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should pay for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education and reduction.
First
and foremost, if regimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
campaign support for awareness of hygienic and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care knowledge to individuals, masses would implement those methods to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their life
The extreme adjective for good is "wonderful", "fantastic", "superb", "perfect", or "excellent".
immensely better
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, persons can mitigate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems and illnesses by getting vast information regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care and prevention of ailments.
For example
, due to the aid of camping, individuals can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of ways to survive in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
lifestyles and healthy habits.
That is
why,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
free assistance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to knowing about healthy lifestyle.

In addition
to this, when authorities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
Possible spelling mistake found.
costless
medical services to poor families then the fittest communities can establish in the world.
“So that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So that
communities will
also
do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in increasing
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "nations'" or "nation's"?
nations
economy. To elaborate,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on treatment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
assistant.
Moreover
, they may invest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on living in better life, they have more opportunities to find lucrative jobs and to become affluent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should pay attention on providing funds for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care services to all residents.

To conclude
, I would like to reiterate that spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's treatment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education is
Please check whether an article is missing: "a better".
better
way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
lifestyle to all individuals.
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IELTS essay Governments around the world spend too much money on treating illnesses and diseases and not enough on health education and prevention.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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