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family and friends happiness

family and friends happiness aAJeY
In our life, happiness is very important to everyone for ourselves. A number of people argue that family and friends are the factors make people happy, while others believe that happiness comes from money and possession. Personally, both family, friends and money, possessions make people happy. There are two reasons for my opinion. In the one hand, everybody needs enough money to spend on accommodation, food and other necessities are less stressed then have fewer erguments. additionally, they will plan for things like their children's education or buying a much bigger house. Furthermore, having extra money can help people plan for the longer term so that they have more control over their life. However, this sort of happiness often doesn't last because money and possessions alone cannot bring happiness. as an example, children from wealthy families will be very lonely because their parents need to work all day. So, they will hardly be sure of their children. it's also been proved that having an honest time with friends and family bring people more happiness than a quick car or new clothes. On the opposite hand, poor people aren't usually happy, whether or not they have a large families and plenty of friends. It is demanding for people that have serious many problems or no change of adjusting their life. These factors can often cause people to have problems with stress and pathological state and this may mean they're ineffective to enjoy life. Their best friends and family is also able to support them and help them by lending money, but this could result in problems. Therefore, I agree that family and friends are important, but without a decent income, they will not be enough. Happiness is a thing which cannot need only relations or cashes, it is a combination of both. If you have both, I think happiness will come to you
In our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to everyone for ourselves. A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are the factors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happy, while others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and possession.
Personally
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, possessions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happy. There are two reasons for my opinion. In the one hand, everybody needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to spend on accommodation, food and other necessities are less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
Did you mean "than"?
then
have fewer
Possible spelling mistake found.
erguments
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
additionally
, they will plan for things like their children's education or buying a much bigger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
Furthermore
, having extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
plan for the longer term
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they have more control over their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, this sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
doesn't last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and possessions alone cannot bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
an example, children from wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lonely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their parents need to work all day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they will hardly be sure of their children.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
's
also
been proved
that having an honest time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
than a quick car or new clothes.

On the opposite hand, poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aren't
usually
happy,
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
they have a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. It is demanding for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that have serious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems or no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of adjusting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. These factors can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have problems with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and pathological state and this may mean they're ineffective to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Their best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
also
able to support them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them by lending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this could result in problems.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
without a decent income, they will not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.

Happiness is a thing which cannot need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
relations or cashes, it is a combination of both. If you have both, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
you
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IELTS essay family and friends happiness

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
311 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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