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e tendency of news on media focus on emergencies and problems rather than on positive development is harmful to individuals and society. What is your opinion?

e tendency of news on media focus on emergencies and problems rather than on positive development is harmful to individuals and society. What is your opinion? x0M1o
Stepping into the 21st century, it is apparent that most of the current media tend to concern and spread a number of negative news instead of the upside ones. As a result, there are a myriad of controversial opinions about the trend’s consequences which is doing harm to community. From my perspective, I partly support that opinion. On the one hand, I accept that these categories of news bring detrimental to many people. To begin with, reading urgent issues can cause a growing sense of anxiety for everyone. To explain that, focusing on negative news does not only influence on human’s mind but also lead to illegal actions. For example, after reading and watching documentary films about crimes and terrorist incidents, some people want to make riots against government because the political system do not allow them to do their unlawful works. On the other hand, I still reckon that negative news are good opportunies for individuals and society. First of all, they broaden our views to aware of dangerous surroundings. In other words, this tendency of media provides us useful information about the crisis and terrorist incidents occur everyday. For instance, during the Covid-19 outbreak, there are many statistics related to the casualties and deaths from the pandemic. As a result, more and more people focus on the prevention rules such as wearing masks, staying at home, etc to protect them and everyone in the world. In addition, publishing articles about a lot of issues can be the efficient key to find the solution creating by readers for those serious emergencies. As far as I remembered, there was a report about climate change, which has made people to realize the importance of nature and its positive impact for human. After that, we tend to utilize less fossil fuels and register more environment-friendly vehicles. In a nutshell, although this type of news has a number of downsides, it is still essential for people and community to know about urgent problems that happen permanently around them. For the above reasons, I have supported for my view that negative news are necessary in some ways.
Stepping into the 21st century, it is apparent that most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
media tend to concern and spread a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
instead
of the upside ones.
As a result
, there are a
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "myriads"?
myriad
of controversial opinions about the trend’s consequences which is doing harm to community. From my perspective, I partly support that opinion.

On the one hand, I accept that these categories of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
bring detrimental to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, reading urgent issues can cause a growing sense of anxiety for everyone. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
that, focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
influence on human’s mind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
lead to illegal actions.
For example
, after reading and watching documentary films about crimes and terrorist incidents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
riots against
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the political system do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to do their unlawful works.

On the other hand
, I
still
reckon that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
opportunies
for individuals and society.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they broaden our views to aware of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
surroundings.
In other words
, this tendency of media provides us useful information about the crisis and terrorist incidents occur
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.
For instance
, during the Covid-19 outbreak, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
statistics related to the casualties and deaths from the pandemic.
As a result
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
focus on the prevention
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
such as wearing masks, staying at home, etc to protect them and everyone in the world.
In addition
, publishing articles about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
issues can be the efficient key to find the solution creating by readers for those serious emergencies. As far as I remembered, there was a report about climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, which has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to realize the importance of nature and its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact for human. After that, we tend to utilize less fossil fuels and register more environment-friendly vehicles.

In a nutshell, although this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
has a number of downsides, it is
still
essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and community to know about urgent problems that happen
permanently
around them. For the above reasons, I have supported for my view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
are necessary in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways.
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IELTS essay e tendency of news on media focus on emergencies and problems rather than on positive development is harmful to individuals and society. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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