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Due to the effects of globalization, the cultures of some countries are influenced by others. Some people think this is a natural process. Others think this is a threat to cultural identity. What is your opinion about this?

Due to the effects of globalization, the cultures of some countries are influenced by others. Some people think this is a natural process. Others think this is a threat to cultural identity. What is your opinion about this? Vp8D
There has been much debate concerning the adverse consequences of advances technology to cultural identity of a country. Some people argue that cultures that influence by technology and the internet are the natural phenomenon and have positive effects, while others think that the process threaten the cultural identity. This essay agrees that technology bring greater impacts on culture and identity for the following reasons. To begin with, it might be claimed that social media plays a pivotal role on influencing identity of a person, primarily younger generations. This is because youngsters tend to spend longer time using digital networks to communicate with online friends, who probably some of them are in different continents, than having a real-human interaction with peers. Moreover, having a long duration communicating with overseas people could alter adolescents’ lifestyle and their communication way, such as from Asian style to Western culture, and it is believed could be a potential threat because young adult might leave their origin identity. However, I would argue that the process of technology affecting on people’s live is a natural and positive development in terms of education. Firstly, the internet and online media could provide information regarding other cultures which could broaden young people’s insight and knowledge. They can also take positive aspects from the different culture and make a positive self-development from it, without completely changing their identity. For instance, students from other countries could learn from Japanese students because most of them spend longer hours to read book daily, rather than doing any other pastimes activities at leisure time. In conclusion, I totally agree with the idea that the advancements in technology have greater impacts on cultural identity of a person. This is because people could generate unlimited information from social media and the internet about other cultures that can be used to widen their knowledge as well as making a positive self-development.
There has been much debate concerning the adverse consequences of advances
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identity
of a country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
that influence by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and the internet are the natural phenomenon and have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
effects, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the process threaten the cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identity
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
bring greater impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identity
for the following reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it might
be claimed
that social media plays a pivotal role on influencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identity
of a person,
primarily
younger generations. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
youngsters tend to spend longer time using digital networks to communicate with online friends, who
probably
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
continents, than having a real-human interaction with peers.
Moreover
, having a long duration communicating with overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could alter adolescents’ lifestyle and their communication way, such as from Asian style to Western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, and it
is believed
could be a potential threat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
young adult might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their origin identity.

However
, I would argue that the process of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
affecting on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
is a natural and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
development in terms of education.
Firstly
, the internet and online media could provide information regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
which could broaden young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
insight and knowledge. They can
also
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
aspects from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
self-development from it, without completely changing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identity
.
For instance
, students from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries could learn from Japanese students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of them spend longer hours to read book daily,
rather
than doing any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
pastimes activities at leisure time.

In conclusion
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the advancements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have greater impacts on cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identity
of a person. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could generate unlimited information from social media and the internet about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to widen their knowledge
as well
as making a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
self-development.
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IELTS essay Due to the effects of globalization, the cultures of some countries are influenced by others. Some people think this is a natural process. Others think this is a threat to cultural identity. What is your opinion about this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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