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Do you think that technological advancement has brought more harm than good ? Reasons and support your answer .

Do you think that technological advancement has brought more harm than good? Reasons and support your answer. e5bPA
Nowadays, technology more popular in all over the globe. Whilst, a number of folks vocalize that telecommunication has further harm. I believe that its advantages outweigh disadvantages. To begin with, technology has abundant of benefits such as easily communicate and high tech in medical. To elaborate it, in 20th century a lot of diseases pounce on everyone like heart attack, cancer etcetra, cosequently with advancement in medical science doctors do all kinds of treatments as compared with ancient time. To examplify, the department of dovtors in London's city hospital. When doctors study about new treatments then not many will be die on account of several injuries. As a result, individual enjoy their life without having pain. However, a gigantic drawbacks of technology is lethargic lifestyle as well as weak eyesight. In this modern era, from kids to grey haired masses love to use mobile phones which directly affect on individual's eyes. In Canada, a scrutiny report layouts by British Broadcasting Coorporation (BBC) news channel a colossal of civilians have spectals on their eyes. Thus, they can not see properly and may be coming generation also face it. To sum up, although technology assistance to meet up with kith and kin comfortably, whereas it also affect everyone's eyesight.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
more popular in all over the globe. Whilst, a number of folks vocalize that telecommunication has
further
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "harmed".
harm
. I believe that its advantages outweigh disadvantages. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has abundant of benefits such as
easily
communicate and high tech in medical. To elaborate it, in 20th century
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
diseases pounce on everyone like heart attack, cancer
Possible spelling mistake found.
etcetra
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
cosequently
with advancement in medical science doctors do all kinds of treatments as compared with ancient time.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
To
Possible spelling mistake found.
examplify
, the department of
Possible spelling mistake found.
dovtors
in London's city hospital.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
doctors study about new treatments then not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
will be
Consider using a past participle here: "died".
die
on account of several injuries.
As a result
, individual enjoy their life without having pain.
However
, a gigantic
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "drawback"?
drawbacks
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is lethargic lifestyle
as well
as weak eyesight. In this modern era, from kids to
Possible spelling mistake. 'grey' is British English.
grey
haired masses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile phones which
directly
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on individual's eyes. In Canada, a scrutiny report layouts by British Broadcasting
Possible spelling mistake found.
Coorporation
(BBC) news channel
The phrase 'a colossal of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a colossal of
civilians have
Possible spelling mistake found.
spectals
on their eyes.
Thus
, they can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
properly
and may be coming generation
also
face it. To sum up, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
assistance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up with kith and kin
comfortably
, whereas it
also
Did you mean "affects"?
affect
everyone's eyesight.
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IELTS essay Do you think that technological advancement has brought more harm than good? Reasons and support your answer.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
207 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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