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Do you think it is better for students to work before their university study? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice.

Do you think it is better for students to work before their university study? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice. XGGMY
In some people’s opinion going to a university can trigger someone by having an open mindset and strong mental. However, for some people having some experiences first in a work can be easier to implement when they study at a university later on. From my point of view having experiences in study at university before working is more essential to students. So, they will not only have knowledge theoritical but also experiences which can create their mindset open and strong mental when they plunge into work field. First, the students who pursue degree at university before work usually are good at adapting at their workplace. They will be more sociable with other people because they are open-minded. They also will be easily to accept different argument from the others and can respond back politely and wisely. They know how to control their ego and understand well that every person has various characteristic. So, they know how to behave properly in a different situation at their workplace. Second, students at a university get different knowledge regarding their subject. The comprehension will be implemented when they work after graduating. We can say that work field can be a place to enhance their understanding and to improve their soft skill. They can get involve in a lot of activities and projects at their work place where they can change experience with others. So, students who continuing study to higher level of education and then work afterward will be more prominent and more outstanding at a workplace since they are ready to face any tasks given to them confidently. To conclude, students will have much more knowledge and tough character if they go to university before work. When they study at university they learn many things such as the subject they take, consistency of time management, live independently, etc. Therefore when they apply for a job, they already be mature in terms of their ability, soft skills and mental to encounter any problems at work field.
In
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some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s opinion going to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
can trigger someone by having an open mindset and strong mental.
However
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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experiences
first
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can be easier to implement when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
later on. From my point of view having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
working is more essential to
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students
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they will not
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only
have knowledge
Possible spelling mistake found.
theoritical
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but
also
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experiences
which can create their mindset open and strong mental when they plunge into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
field.

First
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who pursue degree at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
usually
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at adapting at their workplace. They will be more sociable with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are open-minded. They
also
will be
easily
to accept
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
argument from the others and can respond back
politely
and
wisely
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
know how to control their ego and understand well that every person has various characteristic.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they know how to behave
properly
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situation at their workplace.

Second,
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students
at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
knowledge regarding their subject. The comprehension will
be implemented
when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after graduating. We can say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
field can be a place to enhance their understanding and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involve in
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a lot of
activities and projects at their
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work
place where they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
with others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
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students
who continuing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
to higher level of education and then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
afterward will be more prominent and more outstanding at a workplace since they are ready to face any tasks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to them
confidently
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will have much more knowledge and tough character if they go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. When they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
they learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things such as the subject they take, consistency of time management,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
, etc.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
when they apply for a job, they already be mature in terms of their ability, soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and mental to encounter any problems at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
field.
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IELTS essay Do you think it is better for students to work before their university study? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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