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Certain type of music affects young children’s learning. Researchers have researched on it. Some people agree and some disagree. What is your opinion?

Certain type of music affects young children’s learning. Researchers have researched on it. Some people agree and some disagree. What is your opinion? qVQra
Recently, the phenomenon of young children's learning and its corresponding impact has sparked a heated debate. Although contested by many that the matters of sophisticated researchers are highly beneficial, such an issue is regarded thoroughly both constructive and positive by a substantial number of individuals. I am inclined to conceive that efficient pieces of music can be a plus, and I will investigate that throughout this essay. From a social standpoint, learning children can provide the society with noticeable effects, which are rooted in the fact that merits, as well as advantages of experienced researchers, are crucial. According to my own experience, I performed an academic experiment that discovered the importance of serene music. Hence, the beneficial ramifications of young students are remarkable. From a scientific point of view, learning with pieces of music can provide the community with negative impacts, which are related to the reality that demerits of frustrated music are significant. As a tangible example, some scientific research undertaken by an elite university described careless students. Thus, predicted outcomes of inefficient researchers are noticeable. To conclude, while there are several compelling arguments on both sides, I profoundly believe that the benefits of learning with music far outweigh its drawbacks. Not only do the advantages of young children prove the significance of comprehensive research, but also pinpoint possible implications.
Recently, the phenomenon of young children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
and its corresponding impact has sparked a heated debate. Although contested by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that the matters of sophisticated researchers are
highly
beneficial, such an issue
is regarded
thoroughly
both constructive and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
by a substantial number of individuals. I
am inclined
to conceive that efficient pieces of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can be a plus, and I will investigate that throughout this essay.

From a social standpoint,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
children can provide the society with noticeable effects, which
are rooted
in the fact that merits,
as well
as advantages of experienced researchers, are crucial. According to my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience, I performed an academic experiment that discovered the importance of serene
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Hence
, the beneficial ramifications of young students are remarkable.

From a scientific point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
with pieces of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can provide the community with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts, which
are related
to the reality that demerits of frustrated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are significant. As a tangible example,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scientific research undertaken by an elite university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
careless students.
Thus
, predicted outcomes of inefficient researchers are noticeable.

To conclude
, while there are several compelling arguments on both sides, I
profoundly
believe that the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
far outweigh its drawbacks. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do the advantages of young children prove the significance of comprehensive research,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
pinpoint possible implications.
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IELTS essay Certain type of music affects young children’s learning. Researchers have researched on it. Some people agree and some disagree. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
221 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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