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Can money bring happiness? What are the other factors that determine happiness in our life.

Can money bring happiness? What are the other factors that determine happiness in our life. GMo32
Money plays a very vital role in our life. People generally held the view that happiness can only be achieved by money. This essay will discuss the reasons why is in fact there are so many factors other than money which also play an equal role in bringing happiness along with money. To begin with, money is an essential element in our life because we can fulfill our needs only with it. But there are myriad of other factors responsible for happiness in life. Firstly, contentment in life is the essential factor that helps to achieve happiness in our life. If a person does not feel satisfied, even the huge amount of money can not make him happy. For example, a recent study has shown that significant number of rich people across the world are unhappy because they feel dissatisfied in their life. Furthermore, life circumstances are also very important in bringing happiness in life. Unfavourable situations in life does not let a person happy. A recent survey, for instance, has shown that fourty percent happiness in our life depends on different situations in life. Moreover, physical fitness or well-being is very important to stay happy in life. For example, A person who has been suffering from some disease can not be happy even if he has a lot of money. To conclude, the role of money can not be ignored in life because it is very essential to live but other factors such as self-contentment, good health and favourable life situations are also crucial for staying happy. In my opinion, happiness in life depends on multiple factors rather than money alone.
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Money
plays a
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very
vital role in our
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life
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
generally
held the view that
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happiness
can
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only
be achieved
by
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money
. This essay will discuss the reasons why is in fact there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
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many
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factors
other than
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money
which
also
play an equal role in bringing
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happiness
along with money.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
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money
is an essential element in our
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life
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because
we can fulfill our needs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there are myriad of other
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factors
responsible for
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happiness
in
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life
.
Firstly
, contentment in
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life
is the essential
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factor
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to achieve
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happiness
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. If a person does not feel satisfied, even the huge amount of
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money
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him
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happy
.
For example
, a recent study has shown that significant number of rich
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people
across the world are unhappy
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because
they feel dissatisfied in their life.

Furthermore
,
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life
circumstances are
also
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very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in bringing
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happiness
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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Unfavourable
situations in
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life
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
a person
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happy
. A recent survey,
for instance
, has shown that
Possible spelling mistake found.
fourty
percent
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happiness
in our
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life
depends on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations in
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life
.
Moreover
, physical fitness or well-being is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to stay
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happy
in
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life
.
For example
, A person who has been suffering from
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some
disease can not be
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happy
even if he has
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a lot of
money.

To conclude
, the role of
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money
can not be
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ignored
in
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life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
other
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factors
such as self-contentment,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health and
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
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life
situations are
also
crucial for staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
depends on multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
alone.
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IELTS essay Can money bring happiness? What are the other factors that determine happiness in our life.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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