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By development of technology, the world is changing to help people and make them happier.

By development of technology, the world is changing to help people and make them happier. Aj88l
By development of technology, the world is changing to help people and make them happier. So, I strongly believe that the changing of the world is not the reason for less satisfaction of people in their life. I will delve into my main reasons in the following paragraphs. First, the progress of the world by fast rate makes a lot of possibilities and facilities for being happier. All of the equipment and also science developed to serve people. Treating the illnesses which did not have a certain cure before, getting more opportunity to educate, having more facilities for having easier life like transportation and internet, all are the benefits of this change which must make people more satisfied of their life. For example, the internet as one of the most changes in technology, and world progress make life easier. It is like a servant which guide us in everything say cooking or driving. were it not for internet students could not do their projects and educate as easy as these days. In the past, like 50 years ago, access to the sources was difficult and they had a lot of limitation. Second, people's dissatisfaction in their life originates from other causes such as media, competition, unrecognition of themselves and so on. It can occur whether in the past or now, not just due to the changing the world so quickly. Although the people changed and their criteria for having better life changed over times, they do not feel satisfaction just due to changes. It may cause as a result of their disability to know what makes them happy and do not live like what they expected. It may happen in any era for each person. In the past the media was not such strong and we did not know about them and also the population was lower than now. However, we can see more people with depression and dissatisfaction people due to the media now. Also, the people who try to measure their ability with others' rules will be always dissatisfied. So, all of these originate from people’s mind and can be in each era. To sum up, it seems to me that the changing of the world quickly not only do cause more happiness and satisfaction but also, it will help people to have easier life with more opportunity. There is a lot of causes which may cause less happiness which all referred as mental aspects.
By development of technology, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is
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changing
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
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people
and
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make
them happier.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
strongly
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changing
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is not the reason for less satisfaction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their
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life
. I will delve into my main reasons in the following paragraphs.

First
, the progress of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
rate
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makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
possibilities and facilities for being happier.
Consider using "all the".
All of the
equipment and
also
science developed to serve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Treating the illnesses which did not have a certain cure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, getting more opportunity to educate, having more facilities for having easier
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life
like transportation and internet, all are the benefits of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more satisfied of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, the internet as one of the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in technology, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
progress
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easier. It is like a servant which guide us in everything say cooking or driving.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
were
it not for internet students could not do their projects and educate as easy as these days. In the past, like 50 years ago, access to the sources was
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
difficult and
they had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
limitation.

Second,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's dissatisfaction in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
originates from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
such as media, competition,
Possible spelling mistake found.
unrecognition
of themselves and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. It can occur whether in the past or
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now
, not
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just
due to the
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changing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
quickly
. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and their criteria for having better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
over times, they do not feel satisfaction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
. It may
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cause
as a result
of their disability to know what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them happy and do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
like what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
. It may happen in any era for each person. In the past the media was not such
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
strong and
we did not know about them and
also
the population was lower than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
However
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with depression and dissatisfaction
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people
due to the media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who try to measure their ability with others'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
The adverb 'always' is usually put between 'will' and 'be'.
will be always
dissatisfied.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, all of these originate from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
mind and can be in each era.

To sum up, it seems to me that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changing
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
quickly
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
more happiness and satisfaction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have easier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with more opportunity. There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
which may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
less happiness which all referred as mental aspects.
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IELTS essay By development of technology, the world is changing to help people and make them happier.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
407 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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