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An increasing number of people now prefer to go shopping in supermarkets rather than small shops and local markets. Is this a positive or negative development?

An increasing number of people now prefer to go shopping in supermarkets rather than small shops and local markets. Is this a positive or negative development? 0AB1n
It has been noticed in recent times that people choose supermarkets over small shops and markets in the vicinity for shopping. I believe though shopping in supermarkets offers advantage in terms of time saving, the disadvantage of sharp decline in income of the local businesses cannot be overlooked. It consumes less time for shopping in the supermarkets than local shops and market. Everything, from clothes, grocery, home appliances, to cosmetics, can be obtained from the shopping malls. Wall Mart is good paradigm of this where all the utilities can be purchased under a single roof so buyers need not to roam here and there for buying various products. They can, substantially, spare their plenty of time to utilize it in other productive works. In contrast, in the small shops and markets in locality, users are bound to visit at different places for buying products for their day-to-day affairs. Inclination of locals towards supermarkets is undoubtedly affecting local vendors negatively. Business of the local shopkeepers has been fallen sharply which is further cause of complete lock down several shops. Hence, they become unemployed as well as suffering to make both ends meet. As per calculations by central government, in my hometown New Delhi current year sales of local grocery vendors decreased drastically by 50% and a number of local shops has been closed. On the other hand, Big bazaar, Reliance fresh, Wall mart, just to name a few well known shopping malls in the city accounted remarkable rise in their sales. Thus, it is apparent how supermarkets are affecting adversely to the local shops. In conclusion, despite the benefit of less time consumption on shopping when it is done in supermarkets, drawback of dramatic fall in revenue of local businesses is too dire to ignore.
It has
been noticed
in recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose supermarkets over
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
and markets in the vicinity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. I believe though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in supermarkets offers advantage in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
saving, the disadvantage of sharp decline in income of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
businesses cannot
be overlooked
.

It consumes less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in the supermarkets than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
and market. Everything, from clothes, grocery, home appliances, to cosmetics, can
be obtained
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls. Wall Mart is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
paradigm of this where all the utilities can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
under a single roof
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
buyers need not
Did you mean "roam"?
to roam
here and there for buying various products. They can,
substantially
, spare their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to utilize it in other productive works.
In contrast
, in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
and markets in locality, users
are bound
to visit at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places for buying products for their day-to-day affairs.

Inclination of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
towards supermarkets is
undoubtedly
affecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
vendors
negatively
. Business of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shopkeepers has
been fallen
sharply
which is
further
cause of complete lock down several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
.
Hence
, they become unemployed
as well
as suffering to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
both ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
. As per calculations by central
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, in my hometown New Delhi
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
year sales of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
grocery vendors decreased
drastically
by 50% and a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
has
been closed
.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Big
bazaar, Reliance fresh, Wall mart,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to name a few well known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls in the city accounted remarkable rise in their sales.
Thus
, it is apparent how supermarkets are affecting
adversely
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shops.

In conclusion
, despite the benefit of less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
consumption on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
when it
is done
in supermarkets, drawback of dramatic fall in revenue of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
businesses is too dire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
.
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IELTS essay An increasing number of people now prefer to go shopping in supermarkets rather than small shops and local markets. Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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