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advanatges and disadvantages of cell phones

advanatges and disadvantages of cell phones 0ap3B
The rapid increase in technology during the twenty first century has made cell phones more accessible to the public compared to previous years. In, this essay I will discuss the pros and cones of these devices. To begin with, one of the many downsides of cell phone is that it causes addiction, the user feels the urge to use these devices on a daily basis and for a long period of time. Addictions causes the person to be islolated, tensed and anxious all the time which in turns effect mental health. Another, disadvantage is that induvials are easily distracted while using such devices, especially while driving which in turns can leads serious road traffic accidents. Apart from communication, many of the benefits of mobile phones are the following, firstly, they are small in size, wireless and mobile, which means that we can take them with us anywhere. secondly, they have inbuilt cameras and storage, so capturing various moments and saving them is made easy. Lastly, they are provided with internet access, so, searching for information is more accessible compared to various years. TO conclude, electronic devices can benefit and harm us depending on consumer use. If, used in an excessive manner it with lead to laziness. so, it is better to use these devices in a moderate manner so we can benefit from its advantageous features.
The rapid increase in technology during the twenty
first
century has made cell phones more accessible to the public compared to previous years. In, this essay I will discuss the pros and cones of these devices.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
downsides of cell phone is that it causes addiction, the user feels the urge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
on a daily basis and for a long period of time.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "addiction causes".
Addictions causes
the person to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
islolated
, tensed and anxious all the time which in turns effect mental health. Another, disadvantage is that
Possible spelling mistake found.
induvials
are
easily
distracted while using such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
,
especially
while driving which in turns can leads serious road traffic accidents.

Apart from communication,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the benefits of mobile phones are the following,
firstly
, they are
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
small in size
, wireless and mobile, which means that we can take them with us anywhere.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
, they have inbuilt cameras and storage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
capturing various moments and saving them
is made
easy.
Lastly
, they
are provided
with internet access,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, searching for information is more accessible compared to various years.

TO conclude
, electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
can benefit and harm us depending on consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
Consider replacing "in an excessive manner" with the adverb for "excessive"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an excessive manner
it with lead to laziness.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
, it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
Consider replacing "in a moderate manner" with the adverb for "moderate"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a moderate manner
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we can benefit from its advantageous features.
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IELTS essay advanatges and disadvantages of cell phones

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
226 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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