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working hours of married men and women

working hours of married men and women nEnRl
The chart represents the amount of time married men and women aged between 24 to 44 years old work every day, both inside and outside of the house. The total number of hours worked at home by husbands aged 24 to 44 is slightly higher than the older ones. The case is different for women, as their total number of working hours is greater than their partners. Overall, women devote twice more time at home than men in their same age class. Nevertheless, the figure is less than doubled for paid work compared to the working time at home for men. It seems that men spent more time at workplace with approximately 7 hours a day. The rate is almost identical for both age categories. Whilst women aged 45 to 64 work slightly fewer hours at home than the younger ones, their total number of working hours are almost the same with about 11 hours daily.
The chart represents the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
married
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men
and
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women
aged
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 24 and 44".
between 24 to 44
years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
work every day, both inside and
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.

The total number of
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hours
worked at home by husbands aged 24 to 44 is
slightly
higher than the older ones.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
case is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
for
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women
, as their total number of working
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hours
is greater than their partners.
Overall
,
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women
devote twice more
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time
at home than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in their same age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
Nevertheless
, the figure is less than doubled for paid work compared to the working
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time
at home for
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men
. It seems that
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men
spent more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at workplace with approximately 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a day. The rate is almost identical for both age categories. Whilst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
aged 45 to 64 work
slightly
fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
at home than the younger ones, their total number of working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
are almost the same with about 11
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
daily.
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IELTS academic working hours of married men and women

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
156 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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