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two debates on whom should be responsible on teaching children to be good members of society

two debates on whom should be responsible on teaching children to be good members of society ldWgK
There are two contradictory views on whom (on who should be responsible to teach children about values …) being responsible on teaching children on values and norms of a society in order to make them respect the community they live in and be good assets. These views are as follows, while some people believe parents are solely responsible on teaching their children and shaping them in the direction they want, there are people who strongly believe that school is rather the place than home where children learn about their society. Both have their own justification from different perspectives. The first being, since parents are the first people whom children encounter during the earliest ages of their lives and also have the most contact with, it is understandable to have strong opinion on parents being the one responsible in shaping their children. However, school is the place when where they will have the freedom of choosing the good from the bad with out close assistance of a family member and have the opportunity to interact with different types of people. Growing up in a family with single mom, most of the personalities I developed as an adult resemble that of my mother’s. However, I am also a product of the different teachers I encountered, the classmates I grew up with and many more. Being from where I am, I had my share of understanding and knowledge of the impact both parents and school have on children. In conclusion, I strongly believe that both parents and school are responsible on nurturing children to become better adults and an asset to a society.
There are two contradictory views on whom (on who should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about values …) being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
on teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on values and norms of a society in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them respect the community they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in and be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
assets.

These views are as follows, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
solely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
on teaching their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and shaping them in the direction they want, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is
rather
the place than home where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn about their society. Both have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
justification from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspectives. The
first
being, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
whom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
encounter during the earliest ages of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
also
have the most contact with, it is understandable to have strong opinion on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
being the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
in shaping their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is the place when where they will have the freedom of choosing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This word is usually written together. Did you mean "without"?
with out
close assistance of a family member and have the opportunity to interact with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Growing up in a family with single mom, most of the personalities I developed as an adult resemble that of my mother’s.
However
, I am
also
a product of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
teachers I encountered, the classmates I grew up with and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.

Being from where I am, I had my share of understanding and knowledge of the impact both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
have on children.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
on nurturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become better adults and an asset to a society.
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IELTS academic two debates on whom should be responsible on teaching children to be good members of society

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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