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the table below the percentage of foreign to a British came from different region

the table below the percentage of foreign to a British came from different region 2aoRx
A glance at the diagram illustrates some considerable differences and similarities between the people to a British came from the five national during 20 years period starting from 1989. It is evident that the figures of visitor came from Europe was higher than the number of the others regions. While the rates of Asia and middle were considerably increase double, and the percentage of North America and Europe witnessed a slightly decrease over 20 years. The table reveals that the number of Europe has highest at approximately 40 percent; however, there were steadily declined by 13 percent from 1989 to 2009 and the North American had at the same with Europe from 33 percent to only 22 percent through 20 years. Starting at 8 percent in 1989, A significant upward trend of 9 percent was can seen in the rates of citizens coming from the middle East as compared to the Asia which was slowly climbed from 13 percent in 1989 to 26 percent in 2009. Especially, the proportion of South American was unchanged at 4 percent during 20 years. Regardless of having fluctuated, the percentage of foreign tourists to a British saw a remarkable growth from 362, 000 in 1989 to 731, 455 in 2009
A glance at the diagram illustrates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
considerable differences and similarities between the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to a British came from the five national during 20 years period starting from 1989.

It is evident that the figures of visitor came from Europe was higher than the number of the others regions. While the rates of Asia and middle were
considerably
Consider using a past participle here: "increased".
increase
double, and the percentage of North America and Europe witnessed a
You used an adverb ('slightly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('decrease') instead of another adjective.
slightly decrease
over 20 years.

The table reveals that the number of Europe has highest at approximately 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
;
however
, there were
steadily
declined by 13
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
from 1989 to 2009 and the North American had at the same with Europe from 33
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
22
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
through 20 years.

Starting at 8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 1989, A significant upward trend of 9
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
was
Consider using a past participle here: "canned".
can
Did you mean "see" or "be seen"?
seen
in the rates of citizens coming from the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
middle East
as compared to the Asia which was
slowly
climbed from 13
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 1989 to 26
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
in 2009.
Especially
, the proportion of South American
was unchanged
at 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
during 20 years. Regardless of having fluctuated, the percentage of foreign tourists to a British
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a remarkable growth from 362, 000 in 1989 to 731, 455 in 2009
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IELTS academic the table below the percentage of foreign to a British came from different region

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
205 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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