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The process of the Greenhouse effect on th temperature pf the Earth

The process of the Greenhouse effect on th temperature pf the Earth 5kmge
The diagrams show the process of the greenhouse effect on the temperature of the Earth. We can see from the diagrams that heat radiation is made by the Sun. First of all, radiation from the Sun is distributed everywhere around the Earth. Based on data of the first diagram, it can be seen that 20 per cent of radiation from the Sun is scattered and reflected by clouds, 6 per cent of it is scattered from atmosphere and the amount of radiation absorbed by atmosphere and clouds about is 19 per cent. And over a half of radiation (51 per cent) is absorbed by the Earth thereby making the Earth warmer. Secondly, the radiation from the Sun heats the Earth but this heat is lost at night. However, heat is trapped and reflected on the Earth owing to greenhouse gases in atmosphere. This heat makes Earth suitable for life. On the other hand, human activities cause pollution and it may increase greenhouse gases. More greenhouse gases trap and reflect more heat, leading to global warming. Finally, the Earth becomes warmer and faces climate change.
The diagrams
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show
the process of the
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greenhouse
effect on the temperature of the
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Earth
. We can
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see
from the diagrams that
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heat
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radiation
is made
by the Sun.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
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radiation
from the Sun
is distributed
everywhere around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Earth
. Based on data of the
first
diagram, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that 20 per cent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radiation
from the Sun
is scattered
and reflected by clouds, 6 per cent of it
is scattered
from atmosphere and the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radiation
absorbed by atmosphere and clouds about is 19 per cent. And over a half of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radiation
(51 per cent)
is absorbed
by the
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Earth
thereby making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Earth
warmer.
Secondly
, the
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radiation
from the Sun
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heats
the
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Earth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this
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heat
is lost
at night.
However
,
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heat
is trapped
and reflected on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Earth
owing to
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greenhouse
gases in atmosphere. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
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Earth
suitable for life.
On the other hand
, human activities cause pollution and it may increase
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greenhouse
gases. More
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greenhouse
gases trap and reflect more
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heat
, leading to global warming.
Finally
, the
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Earth
becomes warmer and faces climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
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IELTS academic The process of the Greenhouse effect on th temperature pf the Earth

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
184 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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