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The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate. QL5P3
The given 2 pie charts demonstrate the result of a survey of children's activities. The first chart illustrates cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in. Meanwhile, the second pie chart shows where girls participate. The numbers are represented by a percentageThe first graph shows that a large number of boys are preferred computer games which are equal to 34% and 2% of them keen on reading. Nevertheless, the two sides have the same numbers for listening to music with 10%. Also, other activities such as soccer and skateboarding represented 11% and 17%. In addition basketball with 26%Secondly, we can observe that girls have different activities than boys and most of them are prefer dancing with 27% and least of them are choosing to listen to music. Netball and computer games have almost the same number which shows the computer games higher by 1% than netball. Also the percentage of gymnastics a bit higher by 1% than listening to music
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
2 pie charts demonstrate the result of a survey of children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. The
first
chart illustrates cultural and leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that boys participate in. Meanwhile, the second pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
where girls participate. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
are represented
by a
Possible spelling mistake found.
percentageThe
first
graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of boys
are preferred
computer games which are equal to 34% and 2% of them keen on reading.
Nevertheless
, the two sides have the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
for listening to music with 10%.
Also
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as soccer and skateboarding represented 11% and 17%. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
basketball with 26%
Secondly
, we can observe that girls have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
than boys and most of them are
Consider using a past participle here: "preferred".
prefer
dancing with 27% and least of them are choosing to listen to music. Netball and computer games have almost the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the computer games higher by 1% than netball.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the percentage of gymnastics a bit higher by 1% than listening to
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
music
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IELTS academic The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
159 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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