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The pie charts compare the usual payments of families living in two different countries, Japan and Malaysia, in 2010.

The pie charts compare the usual payments of families living in two different countries, Japan and Malaysia, in 2010. 9rbbx
The pie charts compare the usual payments of families living in two different countries, Japan and Malaysia, in 2010. It can be seen that, Japanese families paid the most for Housing while Food was the main category in Malaysian. Food, also, the category witnessed the most difference between the figures of the average household expenditures in two countries. On the contrary, the percentage of healthcare services spending took the smallest position in both towns. As can be seen in the graphs, in both Japan and Malaysia, people spend most on Housing and Food. However, Housing took the first place in Japanese household spending, about 29% while Malaysian allocated just 26% of their budget for this category. Malaysian families paid almost half the budget for Food, about 34% compared to. Also, the Food category had the largest difference in figures for both countries, by 13% in 2010. Regarding the remaining categories, healthcare services received the least amount of money in two countries, while the percentage of money paid for other goods and services were quite considerable, at over a quarter in each country. Transports accounted for exactly a fifth of total payment in Japan, twice as much as the figure for Malaysia.
The pie charts compare the usual payments of families living in two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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countries
, Japan and Malaysia, in 2010.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that, Japanese families paid the most for Housing while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
was the main
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category
in Malaysian.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
,
also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
category
witnessed the most difference between the figures of the average household expenditures in two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
On the contrary
, the percentage of healthcare services spending took the smallest position in both towns.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the graphs, in both Japan and Malaysia,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend most on Housing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
.
However
, Housing took the
first
place in Japanese household spending, about 29% while Malaysian allocated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
26% of their budget for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
category
. Malaysian families paid almost half the budget for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
, about 34% compared to.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
category
had the largest difference in figures for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, by 13% in 2010.

Regarding the remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
categories
, healthcare services received the least amount of money in two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, while the percentage of money paid for other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services were quite considerable, at over a quarter in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Transports accounted for exactly a fifth of total payment in Japan, twice as much as the figure for Malaysia.
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IELTS academic The pie charts compare the usual payments of families living in two different countries, Japan and Malaysia, in 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
201 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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