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The pie chart show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand from 2003 to 2013.

The pie chart show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand from 2003 to 2013. g9jA
The given pie charts illustrate the sales of products through online websites for the retail sector in New Zealand during the ten-year period starting from 2003. The data is calibrated in percentages. Overall, it is clearly evident that the travel and clothing market experienced a drop in percentages whereas, the people preferred buying more books, film and music CDs and DVDs from the year 2003 to 2013. On one hand, the industry of travel had to bear significant losses as it used to cover 36 % of total online sales in 2003 which has dropped to 29 % in the year 2013. The clothing sector also followed a similar trend where it used to cover almost a quarter of the total percentage during the initial phase which dropped to 16 percent during the same 10 year period. On the other hand, individuals found it pretty convenient buying books online and its sale rose from just above one fifth to 33 percent from the years 2003 to 2013 whereas, the entertainment sector also observed an upward trend where the percentile increased from just below 20 % to just above 20 percent.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts illustrate the sales of products through online websites for the retail sector in New Zealand during the ten-year period starting from 2003. The data
is calibrated
in percentages.

Overall
, it is
clearly
evident that the travel and clothing market experienced a drop in percentages whereas, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
preferred buying

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
more
books, film and music CDs and DVDs from the year 2003 to 2013.

On one hand, the industry of travel had to bear significant losses as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to cover 36 % of total online sales in 2003 which has dropped

to 29 % in the year 2013. The clothing sector
also
followed a similar trend where it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to cover almost a quarter of the total percentage during the initial phase which dropped to 16 percent during the same
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "10-year"
10 year
period.

On the other hand
, individuals found it pretty convenient buying books online and its sale rose from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above one fifth to 33 percent from the

years 2003 to 2013 whereas, the entertainment sector
also
observed an upward trend where the percentile increased from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below

20 % to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 20 percent.
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IELTS academic The pie chart show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand from 2003 to 2013.

Academic
  American English
7 paragraphs
190 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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