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the percentage of tourists to Scotland visits 4 different place

the percentage of tourists to Scotland visits 4 different place aw0NX
The given graph below illustrate the proportion of travelers to Scotland visiting 4 different attractive scene in Edinburgh from 1980 to 2010. Overall, there was a fluctuation in the percentage of tourist in four different place. Besides, we can see the aquarium and the castle was upward trend in the rate of tourists, while an opposite tendency was witnessed downward trend the zoo and festival. It is clear from the line graph show that during the 1980s to 1995s, there was significant increase in visitor from about 23% to nearly 45% and proportion declined gradually to 30% in 2010. The trend for the aquarium was stay the same the castle. Visitors rose dramatically from 20% to aground 35% between 1980s to 1985s and then gradually under 10% in twenty five years later. On the other hand, the proportion of travelers who visited festival was remained stable at about 25% from 1980 to 2010. And the visitor of zoo was fluctuated between 1980s and 2000s, after that rose dramatically to reach of 20% in 2010s
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
graph below illustrate the proportion of travelers to Scotland visiting 4
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
attractive
Possible agreement error. The noun 'scene' seems to be countable, so consider using: "scenes".
scene
in Edinburgh from 1980 to 2010.

Overall
, there was a fluctuation in the percentage of tourist in four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
place.
Besides
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the aquarium and the castle was upward trend in the rate of tourists, while an opposite tendency
was witnessed
downward trend the zoo and festival.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the line graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that during the 1980s to 1995s, there was significant increase in visitor from about 23% to
nearly
45% and proportion declined
gradually
to 30% in 2010. The trend for the aquarium was stay the same the castle. Visitors rose
dramatically
from 20% to aground 35% between 1980s to 1985s and then
gradually
under 10% in
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
twenty five
years later.

On the other hand
, the proportion of travelers who visited festival
was remained
stable at about 25% from 1980 to 2010. And the visitor of zoo
was fluctuated
between 1980s and 2000s, after that rose
dramatically
to reach of 20%
The article is probably missing here: "in the 2010s".
in 2010s
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IELTS academic the percentage of tourists to Scotland visits 4 different place

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
173 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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